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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 28, 2008's comic on:


Tags #planned merger, #fast food chain, #employees, #source of protein, #perfect situation

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Dilbert says, "I recommend we cancel our planned merger." Dilbert says, "They plan to open a chain of fast food restaurants using our employees as a source of protein." The Boss says, "If we always waited for the perfect situation, we'd never get anything done."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 01, 2011's comic on:


Tags #employees, #executives, #non giant situation, #shoulders of giants, #non giant

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CEO: As your CEO, if I have seen farther, it is only because I stood on the shoulders of giants. Plus whatever is going on over here. Dilbert: That's sort of a non-giant situation. Wally: And I haven't had shoulders since I was ten.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 27, 2011's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #gadgets, #smartphone interface rage, #perfect storm, #bad interface design, #chubby fingers, #poor signal strenth, #smashing phone, #frustrated, #can't survive, #lesser of two eveils

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Dilbert: Whoa! Watch out. I've read about this. It's called smartphone interface rage. It's caused by the perfect storm of bad interface design, chubby fingers, and poor signal strength. He'll get so frustrated that he'll consider smashing his phone. Then he'll realize he can't survive without his phone and he'll be twice as frustrated. We have to do something. Wally: Run as fast as you can into the wall! It will take your mind off of your phone! Sometimes the best you can hope for is that the lesser of two evils is the funny one.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 05, 2012's comic on:


Tags #coffe lounge, #more vocal, #accomplishments, #bragging, #perfect substotute, #wind, #seat cushion

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Dilbert: I think I need to be more vocal about my accomplishments. Wally: I've found that bragging is a perfect substitute for accomplishing stuff. Dilbert: I plan to do both. Wally: Wow. You are the wind beneath my seat cushion.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 27, 2012's comic on:


Tags #hope for survival, #nearsighted billionaire, #hunt, #private island, #foraging situation

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Dogbert's retirement planning service Dogbert: Your only hope for survival is if a nearsighted billionaire offers to hunt you on his private island. Customer: Does that job pay well? Dogbert: It's more of a foraging situation. Customer: Must... adjust... expectations... down.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 07, 2007's comic on:


Tags #managing, #easier, #awards for best places, #work, #handle situation, #losers

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The Boss: Managing is a lot easier now that we've given up on winning one of those 'Best Places to Work' awards. Dilbert: "Do you have a minute?" The Boss: "Not for losers." "There was a time when I wouldn't have known how to handle that situation."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 08, 2012's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #meetings, #sound of voice, #unspoken rules, #noise, #perfect storm

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Coworker: I just realized I love the sound of my own voice! Ha ha! Thanks to the unspoken rules of meetings, I can enjoy the sound of myself as long as I want! Blah, blah, blah! Loud Howard: What's all that noise!? Topper: That's nothing! No one knew the perfect storm was approaching

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 03, 2012's comic on:


Tags #interviews, #managers & supervisors, #exit imnterview, #pointy haired loser, #improve situation

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Boss: Why do you want to leave your current job? Interviewee: My boss is a pointy-haired loser, but he's smart enough to know when he's being insulted right to his face. I'm looking to improve on that situation. Boss: You came to the right place.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 24, 2013's comic on:


Tags #models, #out of stiock, #credibility, #bait and switch, #tactics, #sales, #technology, #computer, #tablets

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Our model XR35 is the only one that will work in your situation. The other models would be nightmares. Dilbert: Okay, we'll take the XR35. Ted: Opps it appears we are out of stock. Dilbert: This is the part where your credibility comes into question. Ted: Have you looked at ethics's XP9? I think it would be perfect.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 2008's comic on:


Tags #date, #perfect, #low entertainment value, #use our phones, #surf the internet, #call it a date, #perfect woman

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Tina: This conversation has a low entertainment value. Let's just use our phones to surf the internet, and call it a date. Dilbert: I don't use the phrase "perfect woman" often... Tina: Shhh