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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 15, 1999's comic on:


Tags #pointy hired boss, #phone, #email, #pager, #electronic attempts, #ruin productivity, #send in ground trrops, #return some calls

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Carol shows up in Dilbert's cubicle wearing a backpack and holding a staff. Carol says, "The pointy-haired boss wants to see you." Carol says, "He tried to reach you by phone, e-mail and pager." Carol says, "But you resisted his electronic attempts to ruin your productivity." Carol says, "so he decided to send in the ground troops." Carol pionts the staff at Dilbert and says, "Don't make me use this!" Dilbert stand in the boss' office. the boss says, "Could you wait outside while I return some phone calls?" Wally and Alice stand in line. Wally says, "Get to the back of the line." Dilbert stands behind three random people. Dilbert says, "Does everyone want to have a conversation?" The man in front of Dilbert says, "I have a magazine."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 15, 2013's comic on:


Tags #deception, #business card, #no @ sign, #email, #missing number, #phone number

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Wally : Mere's my card. Let me know if I can be of further assistance. Coworker: Your phone number is missing a digit and your email address doesn't have an @ symbol. Wally: I didn't say it would be easy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 02, 2014's comic on:


Tags #obliviousness, #time management, #touch, #touching, #touching paper, #turn off phone, #ignore email, #one touch, #salad tongs, #on etouch, #interupted

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Boss: The key to good time management is touching each piece of paper once. If I can only touch it once, I'd better do it right. I'll need to make sure I don't get interrupted after the first touch.Turn off my phone, close my door, and ignore email. Okay, here goes one touch. Ugh. This will take an hour and I only have ten minutes. Make a copy, throw away the original, and don't let me touch the copy until I have an hour in my schedule. I wonder if I'm allowed to use salad tongs.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 29, 2015's comic on:


Tags #distraction, #distractions, #frustration, #futility, #meeting, #meetings, #stress, #walk, #walking, #phone calls, #email

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Boss: Let's have our meeting while we take a walk. Dilbert: Absolutely. Shall I expect the usual? Boss: The usual? Dilbert: The first five minutes will be nothing but you trying to find your phone. Then you'll need to return some calls "real quick," then send an email before we leave. On the way to the elevator we will be accosted by every employee you've been avoiding for a week. Then you'll invite one of them to walk with us, which means we can't talk about my project. But it doesn't matter because you'll be on your phone the entire walk anyway. Asok: Did you know that walking lowers stress? Dilbert: Does it?!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anxiety, #mobile (cell) phones, #telephones, #rings after 4pm, #caller id blocked, #ignore call, #email, #horrible issue, #hate life, #torture coworker

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Noise: Ring. Dilbert: Uh-oh. It's never good when my phone rings after 4 pm. Caller ID is blocked. Someone must know that I would ignore the call if I knew who it was. If it weren't urgent, it would be email. This must be some sort of horrible issue that will cause me to work all night. It stopped. There's still a chance that I'll be okay unless my cell phone... Noise: Bzzzz. Dilbert: GAAAA!! I hate my life! Alice: You're right. That was funny. Wally: Now I'll text him.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 1996's comic on:


Tags #reduced service costs, #technical support, #unlisted phone number, #customer email, #freinds, #don't have freinds

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Dogbert stands on a conference table next to a laptop and an overhead projector. He says to the Boss, Alice and Wally, "I've reduced your service costs by giving the technical-support group an unlisted phone number." Dogbert continues, "And a flaw in your product disables the customer's e-mail; they can't even write to you for help!" The Boss asks, "What if they ask a friend to e-mail us?" Alice responds, "People who use our product don't have friends." Wally asks, "Really? I use it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 30, 2001's comic on:


Tags #ultimate tool, #mobile professional, #pda, #phone, #pager, #digital camera, #fax, #email, #laptop, #shredder, #clips belt, #too large, #everything

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The Boss leans across a table and says to Dilbert, "I found the ultimate tool for the mobile professional." The Boss leans down in order to get it. He continues, "It's a combination PDA, phone, pager, digital camera, fax, e-mail, laptop and shredder." The Boss produces a large gadget, half the size of him and puts it on the table. He says, "It clips right to my belt!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 24, 2001's comic on:


Tags #email service problem, #no email, #phone call, #playing with tech support, #three computers, #web function, #account information

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer at home. He says into the telephone, "Look, I have three computers in the house. All three simultaneously lost e-mail but not web function." He continues, shaking his fist in the air, "That means the problem is in your e- mail service. Can you grasp that concept?" Dilbert is laying on the couch with a cup of coffee. He says into the phone, "Okay. I'm re-entering my account information... Hey, guess what? That didn't work either."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 2002's comic on:


Tags #cell phone, #one ear, #email, #instant message, #pager, #messages, #boss comes in, #work stories

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Dilbert and Dogbert are sitting on the couch. Dilbert says, "I had my cell phone at one ear and my regular phone at the other." Dilbert continues, "I'm reading e-mail, sending instant messages, my pager is vibrating, and my boss comes in!" Dogbert says, "You know what makes your work stories fascinating?" Dilbert asks. "What?" Dogbert continues, "Nothing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 2003's comic on:


Tags #cooperate with hunt, #17 suspects, #talked to reporter, #email archives, #phone records, #linguistic patterns, #punish all of them

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Headline: Corporate Witch-Hunt. Catbert is standing on The Boss' desk. The Boss says, "I've narrowed the list to seventeen suspects who might have talked to that reporter." The Boss continues, "Now we'll check their e-mail archives, phone records and linguistic patterns until we identify the offender." Catbert says, "And then we can punish all of them just for being on the list." The Boss responds, "I like the way you stink."