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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 2005's comic on:


Tags #evil director, #human resources, #help balancing, #personal life, #no love, #sound sunhealthy, #pill crybaby, #business

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources. "I need help balancing my career with my personal life." "I recommend a book called "No one will ever love you." It'll crush your hope for a personal life and free up more time for work." "That sounds unhealthy." "Take a pill, crybaby."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 12, 2011's comic on:


Tags #annoyance, #doctors' offices, #medicines, #whiny idiots, #pill, #doctor, #exam room, #office, #treadmill, #pass out, #medical

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Dilbert: I'm sick of listening to whiny idiots. Do you have a pill for that? Doctor: I sure do! I took a handful of them this morning and I feel great in spite of your complaining! How funny would it be if I make you run on a treadmill until you pass out?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 21, 2012's comic on:


Tags #bluetooth, #bluetooth headset, #cyborg, #doctors, #ear, #full human, #happiness, #intraocular lenses, #inventions, #pill form, #powered by chemistry, #streaming video, #surgically enbed, #vision correction, #dentits, #special surgery, #psychology

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Dilbert: I know I'd be happier as a cyborg than a full human. I want you to surgically embed a bluetooth headset in my ear, powered by my own body chemistry. And I'd like intra-ocular lenses with vision correction and streaming video over bluetooth. Doctor: Happiness only comes in pill form.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 27, 2003's comic on:


Tags #bailing on project, #ensure survival, #loser pill, #rejected by wally, #pill, #therapy, #therapist, #psychology

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Wally says to Dilbert, "I'm bailing out of your project; it has the scent of failure." As Wally walks away, he adds, "I will attach myself to a more successful host to ensure my survival." Dilbert is lying on a therapist's couch. He says, "Do you have a pill for someone who gets rejected by Wally?" The therapist replies, "A loser pill?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 2003's comic on:


Tags #stagger lunch, #someone here, #know in adavnce, #take a pill, #pecking order, #errands

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "From now on, I want you to stagger your lunch so someone is always here." Asok exclaims, "Gaaa! As the lowest person in the pecking order, I will never know in advance when I can eat." Asok yells, "It is the end of errands as I know them!!" The Boss turns and says, "Sheesh, take a pill."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 29, 2004's comic on:


Tags #addicted to spam, #can't resist, #every pill, #ginko biloba

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"I'm addicted to Spam. I can't resist." "Last week I bought every pill that was offered and took them at the same time." "Let me tell you, there are a few pills you don't want to mix with the gingko biloba."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 2005's comic on:


Tags #fbi, #traced source, #spam, #revolutionary new pill, #rolex watches, #body fat

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"FBI, we need to talk to you." "We've traced the source of all internet spam to your house." "All of it?" "...The revolutionary new pill that turns your body fat into rolex watches!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 30, 2008's comic on:


Tags #poison pill, #watch, #ceo carcass, #executives

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Dogbert says, "You can thwart this unfriendly takeover by using something called a poison pill." CEO: I keep one in my watch. I'll take it immediately." Dogbert: That's not...I suppose I could feed your tainted CEO carcass to the executives of the other company. CEO: Gurgle

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 21, 2008's comic on:


Tags #addicted to internet, #doctor, #interesting, #internet, #medicine, #offcie, #pill, #underlying probelm, #medical, #technology

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Dilbert: I'm addicted to the internet because it's more interesting than people. Is there a pill you can give to everyone else to make them more interesting? Doctors never want to treat the underlying problem.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 06, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #poison pill, #company takeover, #front, #surprise, #angry, #awkward, #uncomfortable, #skip, #pre-meeting, #business

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CEO says, "Mister Dogbert will describe our 'poison pill' strategy for preventing an unfriendly takeover." Dogbert says, "It turns out that no one wants to buy a criminally mismanaged quagmire. So you're all set." Dogbert says, "Maybe next time you won't skip the pre-meeting."