Search Results for "pointed haired monster"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 2014's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #public speaking, #heros journey, #power point, #pointed haired monster

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Experts say you should format your presentation like a "Hero's Journey." Presentation: Eventually, the plucky engineer finished his PowerPoint slides despite interference from a pointy-haired monster. Boss: Experts never warn you about that part.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 2002's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches and says, "Make your 'Power-point' presentation so boring that our CEO will slip into trance." The Boss continues, "Then I'll whisper to him subliminal suggestions to increase our budget." The CEO is asleep. The Boss whispers, "More budget." On the other side of the CEO, Wally whispers, "Kill the pointy-haired monster."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 19, 2001's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is sitting on his couch in his bathrobe. His pet rat approaches on the arm rest and says, "I can't sleep. Would you tell me a story." The rat is cuddled under a blanket on the couch. Dilbert begins his story: "Once upon a time there was a pointy-haired monster." He continues, "He promised riches to the villagers if they could achieve his random objectives." The rat begins to get drowsy. Dilbert continues his story: "The villagers worked long hours but they were happy and optimistic." Dilbert continues, "Suddenly the evil monster cut their funding and hired the village idiot to be project manager." Dilbert continues, "And that is how the villagers got trapped in meetings for all eternity. The end." The rat opens its eyes wide in horror. The rat cries, "Waaa!! Waaa!! Waaa!!" Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Rats cry when they hear about my life." Dogbert responds, "It never pays to listen."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 30, 2011's comic on:


Tags #employees, #secretaries (office), #manually entered data, #entire weekend, #die monster!

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: I manually entered all of the employee data you wanted. It took the entire weekend. Boss: I probably should have told you I no longer need it. Carol: Die! Die! Die! You inconsiderate monster! Boss: Did you really enter all of the data? Carol: Maybe. Let's call it a tie.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 2012's comic on:


Tags #better job, #goldilocks zone, #managers, #marinate in own stench, #monster, #skills expire, #technology certifictae, #training, #your training

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I need to get this technology certification. Boss: Whoa! No way. If I pay for your training, you'll use your certification to get a better job. At the moment, you're in what we managers call the goldilocks zone. You're not hot enough to get a better job, and you're not yet incompetent at the one you have. When your skills expire, in the next year or two, I'll replace you with someone younger. Dilbert: You're a monster! I'll pay for my own training and leave you to marinate in your own stench! CEO: How did you keep your training expenses so low? Boss: I marinated in my own stench.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 2012's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #not helpful, #brush of unhelpfulness, #srigma, #issues, #monster

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Brian tells me you're not being helpful. Asok: Gaaa!!! You have been painted by the brush of unhelpfulness. There is no way to remove the stigma of this accusation. Wally: Watch and learn. Brian has... um... issues. Boss: Issues? What issues? Mental? Emotional? Substance abuse? Wally: I've said too much. It's not my place. Boss: He's a monster! Asok: You make it look easy!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 05, 2012's comic on:


Tags #3d printer, #answer questions, #modeling (sculpture), #pointy haired boss

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: Your pointy-haired boss wants to know if you tested the new 3-D printer yet. Why aren't you answering my question? Whatever. Wally: Success.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 03, 2012's comic on:


Tags #interviews, #managers & supervisors, #exit imnterview, #pointy haired loser, #improve situation

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Why do you want to leave your current job? Interviewee: My boss is a pointy-haired loser, but he's smart enough to know when he's being insulted right to his face. I'm looking to improve on that situation. Boss: You came to the right place.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 03, 2013's comic on:


Tags #anger, #angry, #hateful creature, #hope, #interviews, #job interview, #managers & supervisors, #monster, #optimisim, #smile, #toxic work place

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You remind me of another young person I hired years ago. She was full of hope and optimism and she wore a permanent smile. Her name was Alice. As time passed, she devolved into an angry, hateful creature. No one knows what caused it. Interviewee: How long did it take? Boss: About a week. Interviewee: Apparently, you're a monster who creates a toxic workplace and you lack the self-awareness to realize it! Boss: Someone broke your record. Alice: Shut up.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 06, 2013's comic on:


Tags #monsters, #taxes, #tax code, #stanky, #monster, #tree deweller

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I'm looking for a monster named Stanky Bathurd. Monster: He's kind of busy rewriting the tax code to be more frustrating. Dogbert: I know. He hired me to help.