Search Results for "policy"
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Character
Wednesday May 11,
2016
Company Policy About Dating
Tags #dating, #relationships, #office romance, #policy, #legal issues, #human resources
Transcript
Catbert: Rumor has it that you are dating a co-worker named Loud Howard. Company policy requires you to register your lustful feelings with our legal department. Lawyer: Okay, I think we have you covered, but the stapling phase will sting a little.
Monday March 13,
2017
Actual Company Policy
Tags #complaining, #management, #manipulation, #strategy, #vacation, #training, #company policy
Transcript
Boss: I can't approve your vacation days because you haven't completed the mandatory class on fax machine safety. Dilbert: Is that an actual company policy? Boss: I don't know, but it sounds like one. Dilbert: Maybe we should check. Boss: Wow. Is there anything you DON'T complain about?
Tuesday April 26,
2011
Tags #business ethics, #health insurance, #reduce expenses, #radiation dosimeters, #wrongness, #policy
Transcript
Boss: The company is trying to reduce expenses, so you need to pay for your own radiation dosimeters. Dilbert: We'll just stare at you until you understand the wrongness of that policy. Boss: Still nothing. One hour later
Friday September 30,
2011
Tags #deception, #hypocrisy, #open door policy, #suggestions, #not importnat, #extra work
Transcript
Boss: Thanks for the suggestion, Asok. I'm going to ignore it because you're not important to my career and I don't like doing extra work. Asok: I'm confused. Why do you have an open-door policy? Boss: How can you leave if the door isn't open?
Friday March 30,
2012
Tags #dieting & weight control, #funerals, #bereavement policy, #days off, #dies young, #grocery shop, #conflict
Transcript
Carol: I've been reading our bereavement policy and I found a problem. I get three days off if my husband eats nothing but unhealthy food and dies young. And I'm the one who does our grocery shopping. Boss: Sounds like a conflict of interest. Carol: I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees it.
Saturday May 27,
1989
Tags #coffee, #economic policy, #Opinion
Transcript
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dilbert reads the newspaper and asks, "What do you think about this new Soviet policy of openness?" Dogbert replies, "Actually, I'm not even sure that Gorbachev exists." Dogbert continues, "Guess I'm just kinda 'glasnostic.'" Dilbert says, "I shouldn't let you drink coffee."
Monday May 22,
1995
Tags #policy, #employ best, #technical professionals, #industry average, #bright, #clueless, #feel sorry
Transcript
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Our policy is to employ only the BEST technical professionals." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question." Dilbert asks, "Isn't it also our policy to base salaries on the 'industry AVERAGE?'" The Boss answers, "Right. We like them bright but clueless." Wally says, "I feel sorry for people like that."
Friday July 07,
1995
Tags #new dress policy, #allows casual clothes, #stick plunge, #friday, #only safe day, #policy stupid
Transcript
Dilbert sits on his couch and Dogbert perches on the backrest. Dilbert tells Dogbert, "Our new dress policy at work allows casual clothes on Fridays." Dogbert responds, "That's good, because studies have shown that Fridays are the ONLY safe day to dress casually; any other day would cause a stock plunge." Dilbert asks, "Is it just me or is that policy stupid?" Dogbert says, "That's not an 'or' question."
Wednesday September 13,
1995
Tags #writing email, #protest new policy, #empty trash, #highly paid engineers, #unproductive tsak, #inventing the future, #quality faire
Transcript
Wally stands behind Dilbert's desk. Dilbert says, "I'm writing an e-mail to protest the new policy of making the employees empty their own trash at night." Dilbert continues, "It's stupid to have highly paid engineers doing unproductive tasks when we could be inventing the future!" Wally asks, "Are you coming to the 'Quality Faire?'" Dilbert answers, "No, this will take another hour."
Friday October 13,
1995
Tags #human resources, #developed policy, #employees who complain, #big hole, #trick whiners, #sand, #detailed explaination, #hole
Transcript
Catbert and the Boss stand on either side of a hole in the floor. Catbert says, "As Director of Human Resources I have developed a policy for handling the employees who complain." Catbert continues, "It's a big hole. I'll trick the whiners into getting in it. And then I'll cover them with sand." The Boss says, "I don't see how this could possibly work." Catbert says, "There's a detailed explanation at the bottom of the hole."