Search Results for "predict"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 2010's comic on:


Tags #lab coat, #invention, #scan, #brain, #predict, #buy, #kill, #suspicious, #microwave, #smoke out of ears, #rays

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "My invention can scan a person's brain and predict his buying decisions." Dilbert says, "It says you plan to buy? a blunt object so you can kill me and claim credit for my invention." Dilbert says, "I anticipated that, which is why I included a feature to microwave the offending part of your brain." FERT!

Ted Has A Bad Feeling

Thank you for voting.
Ted Has A Bad Feeling - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 08, 2015's comic on:


Tags #fired, #firing, #prognostication, #predict, #psychic, #complaining, #complaint, #prophecy

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: I have a bad feeling about the direction of my project. Boss: You complain too much. You're fired. Dilbert: So... now you believe you can predict the future. Ted: Magic is real.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 1989's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at a desk working on his computer. Dilbert says, "There . . . I've plotted Jenny Dworkin's normal speed, habits and tendencies into my computer." Dilbert tells Dogbert, "Now I'll be able to predict her location and bump into her as if by chance." Dogbert asks, "Why don't you just call her, say you like her and ask her out?" Dilbert replies, "No. That would seem too contrived."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 1992's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at a desk and works on his supercomputer. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I'm using my new supercomputer to create a model that can predict your entire life." Dilbert continues, "You see, everything, including your brain chemistry, is subject to predictable patterns of cause and effect . . ." Dogbert replies, "That's ridiculous. It implies that we have no free will." Dilbert looks at the monitor and says, "Next, you start getting really mad at me."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 1992's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

A newsreporter wearing a trenchcoat says into a microphone, "This man used his supercomputer to predict the future of the world." The reporter holds the microphone out and Dilbert says, "Within five years, evil squirrels will conquer the world and make us all slaves in their nut mines." The reporter says, "The squirrels should love this guy." Dilbert adds, "It's based on actual math."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 23, 1992's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to the garbage man, "I know that my computer model is accurate, but nobody believes me when I predict that squirrels will conquer the earth." The garbage man replies, "Of course, you're aware that according to 'Chaos Theory' any complex iterative model is no better than a wild guess, even if the logic is perfect." Dilbert replies, "You're making that up." The garbage man says, "You caught me; I'm really a giant spy squirrel in disguise."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 10, 1994's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

I predict sales to be nothing for two years and then take a sudden surge.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 14, 1994's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"I can predict the future by assuming that money and male hormones are the driving forces for new technology." "Therefore, when virtual reality gets cheaper than dating, society is doomed." "Year 2004" "Is Dilbert available?" "He's been in the holodeck since March."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 1995's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss hands Dilbert a sheet of paper and says, "From now on, salaries will be based on your predicted success, not your past performance." While Dilbert reads the report, the Boss says, "We ran a computer model against your education and DNA information. We predict you'll die in a stapler mishap within a week." Dilbert asks, "What if I disagree with this prediction?" The Boss points at Dilbert and says, "Write up your opinion and staple it to the analysis."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 25, 1990's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a desk. Dilbert says, "I programmed the computer to predict what people will be like in 200 years." Dogbert asks, "What assumptions are you making?" Dilbert replies, "It's based on trends in today's youth." Dilbert explains, "For example, we know that science skills are declining, more kids are overweight, and selfishness is rising." In the year 2190, three huge people float in midair. One person says, "I heard that Bobby exploded." Another replies, "I wonder why that keeps happening." The third person says, "Who cares? More for us."