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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 2013's comic on:


Tags #obliviousness, #pride, #incompetent, #phd, #pretending allowed

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Coworker: I have no real-world experience and I am incompetent at everything. But unlike any of you, I have a Ph.D., and that means you have to take me seriously. Dilbert: Is pretending allowed? Coworker: Totally. It all looks the same to me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 12, 2011's comic on:


Tags #boredom, #business ethics, #boost morale, #pretending to be intereted, #overkill, #unemployement, #brain, #fallout, #yawn hole

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Boss: I'm here to boost your morale by pretending to be interested in you as a human being. But it's probably overkill since unemployment is around 9% and you're not likely to quit. Dilbert: Still, it's nice to... Boss: That's enough! I don't want my brain to fall out of my yawn hole.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 06, 1990's comic on:


Tags #dinosaur, #Dogbert, #pretending, #extinct, #comeback, #elvis', #jumpsuits

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Bob and Dawn the Dinosaurs confront Dogbert. Bob says, "Dogbert, we can't stand hiding around the house anymore." Bob looks out the window and says, "We dinosaurs ruled this planet once. Now we just hide in people's houses, pretending to be extinct." Bob takes Dawn's hands and says, "Dawn, it's time for our comeback tour." Dogbert says, "I think some of Elvis's jumpsuits will fit."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 16, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #cheat, #death, #frisbee, #athlete, #scrabble, #allowed, #august, #bone, #boy

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The caption says, "Dogbert tries to cheat death." The Grim Reaper says to Dogbert, ". . . So, if you catch the Frisbee you can live." Dogbert says, "Wait!" Dogbert continues, "I've never been much of an athlete . . . Let's play 'Scrabble' for my life instead." Dogbert and the Grim Reaper sit at a table playing Scrabble. The Grim Reaper asks, "How much time are you allowed for your turn?" Dogbert replies as he walks away, "I'll see you in August, bone boy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 20, 1994's comic on:


Tags #trade show registration, #rental beards, #not allowed, #pipe scented suspenders, #portly attendees

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Trade show registration ClerK : Men without facial hair are not allowed on the exhibition floor. We have rental beards for your convenience. That model comes with pipe-scented suspenders. Its very popular with our portly attendees.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 19, 1998's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #hr director, #not allowed, #eat desk, #semi plausible reason, #hate

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Caption: Catbert: H.R. Director. Catbert sits at his computer. Catbert types, "New policy: Employees are not allowed to eat at their desks." Catbert thinks, "Because why? I need a semi-plausible reason." Catbert writes, "Because I hate you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 1994's comic on:


Tags #pretending, #personal lives, #interested, #management technique, #job satisfaction, #more money, #boost intangible benefits, #chisel away, #salaries, #families, #wife divorced, #job lowers self esteem, #attract mate, #said hello

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"Hi guys, how are your families?" "?" "?" "Why are you pretending to be interested in our personal lives?" "It's a management technique to increase your job satisfaction without giving you more money." "My plan is to boost your intangible benefits while continuing to chisel away at your salaries." "But enough about me...how are those families of yours?" "My wife divorced me because you make me work so many hours." "This job lowers my self-esteem too much to attract a mate." "Tell them I said 'hi'."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 10, 1999's comic on:


Tags #prospective client, #touring dept, #marketing department, #vacant cubicle, #pretending to work

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The boss stands in Dilbert's cubicle. The boss says, "A prospective client will be touring our marketing department in an hour." The boss says, "We need you to sit in a vacant cubicle so it looks as if work is done there." Dilbert sits in an empty cubicle pretending to type. a woman points and says, "Hey! that one is only pretending to work!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 07, 2002's comic on:


Tags #hostile body language, #not allowed, #cross arams, #stare, #move eyebrows, #nice day, #female, #controlling, #unconscious emotions

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Tina approaches Dilbert with her arms and face stiff. She says, "Someone accused me of having hostile body language." Tina continues, "I'm not allowed to cross my arms or stare or move my eyebrows or frown." Tina walks past and says, "Have a nice day." Dilbert responds, "Too late."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 07, 2002's comic on:


Tags #employees, #not allowed to eat, #work cubicles, #gulp, #chomp chomp, #ignores rules, #business

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Catbert enters Alice's cubicle and says, "Alice, employees are not allowed to eat in cubicles." Alice stuffs the food in her mouth, "Chomp chomp chomp" Catbert exclaims, "I'm going to see that every time I close my eyes!" Alice responds, "You started it."