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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 06, 1994's comic on:


Tags #managing, #marketing group, #previous manager killed, #parking lot, #run down, #murder, #apathy to murder, #body on bumper

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The Boss: "In addition to my current duties, I'll be managing the marketing group." "The marketing job opened because the previous manager got run down in the parking lot." "When they needed a good manager, they knew where to look." Dilbert: "Under your bumper?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 24, 2013's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #computer programmers, #code mocking, #engineering tradition, #software project, #new engineer, #mock previous engineer, #engineering

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Dilbert: Are you coming to the code mocking? Asok: The what? Dilbert: Code mocking is an engineering tradition. It happens whenever a software project is handed to a new engineer. The new engineer is required to mock the previous engineer's work in a public way. We spectators get to vote on whether the old code is killed or spared. Coworker: Ha ha! His code is hilariously inefficient! Ouch. Chest pain. Dilbert: Kill it! Kill it! Kill it! Coworker: Gaaa!! The code is offending my engineering sensibilities! It's killing me! Dilbert: I forgot to mention that sometimes the code wins.

Manager Of The Year Award

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Manager Of The Year Award - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 23, 2015's comic on:


Tags #attendance, #manager, #management, #laissez faire, #cause and effect, #award, #accolade

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Catbert: Employees voted you "Manager of the Year." As usual, this honor is going to the manager with the worst attendance. We're hoping it's more of a correlation than a causation thing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 09, 2011's comic on:


Tags #inventions, #managers & supervisors, #portal, #parallel uiverse, #more prodcutive, #universe, #cops, #alice killed boss

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Asok says, "I created a portal to a parallel universe. My success was possible because Alice killed our boss so we are all more productive." Alice says, "Step aside. The cops have been sniffing around and I need something from the other universe." Alice says, "Look on the bright side, Asok. Some other universe just got a lot more productive."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 10, 1994's comic on:


Tags #no raises, #no promotions, #mathematical certainty, #inflation, #pooer, #uncertainty, #leader, #not just manager

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The Boss: "The company has announced there will be no raises or promotions this year." "Now, there's a mathematical certainty that no matter how hard you work, inflation will make you poorer." Dilbert: "I hated the old way, with all the uncertainty." The Boss: "I'm not just a manager, I'm a leader!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 1994's comic on:


Tags #project dew drop, #test report, #explodes, #beta trial, #friendly customers, #killed, #friendly ones, #project ducky

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The Boss: I agreed to ship Project 'Dewdrop' to some customers for beta testing. Dilbert: Didn't you read my test report? Dewdrop explodes when you plug it in. The Boss: we'll limit the beta trial to friendly customers. Dilbert: we killed all the friendly ones with project ducky.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 17, 1994's comic on:


Tags #build, #meeting, #project kick off, #project manager, #super fast microchips, #harder to saboatge

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"Thank you all for coming to the project kick-off meeting." "As project manager I've decided not to tell you the purpose of the project. That way it will be harder for you to sabotage it." "Does it require ny super-fast microchips?" "Good lord, no. Don't build any of those...by Tuesday."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 19, 1994's comic on:


Tags #quality award, #killed by sea turtle, #went snorkeling

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The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "The company has decided to compete for the 'Millard Bullrush Quality Award.'" Wally asks, "Bullrush? Isn't he the politician who went snorkeling and got killed by a sea turtle?" The Boss replies, "They're faster than they look." Wally says to Dilbert, "I think we can win this."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 17, 1995's comic on:


Tags #volume of work, #quiet leadership, #inspires us, #promote, #manager, #work ethic, #use documents, #heat house, #job offering, #writing

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The Boss sees Dilbert carrying a stack of paper and says, "We've all noticed the volume of work you carry around. Your quiet leadership inspires us." The Boss continues, "I'd like to promote you to manager so you can imbue others with your work ethic." At home, Dilbert loads the paper into the furnace while Dogbert watches. Dogbert asks, "Does he know you use the documents to heat our house?" Dilbert replies, "No. And I asked him to put the job offer in writing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 23, 1995's comic on:


Tags #team leader, #decide raises approve expenses, #fire people, #leader, #manager

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Dilbert, Alice and Wally sit around a conference table. Dilbert says, "As you know, I've been promoted to team leader." Alice asks, "Will you decide raises? Do you approve expenses? Do you fire people?" Dilbert answers "No" to all three questions. Dilbert says, "I'm a leader. Not a manager."