Search Results for "project unicron"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 21, 2014's comic on:


Tags #deception, #executives, #ignorance, #money, #powerpoint, #project unicron, #progress, #style, #substitute for subsatnce, #worker bee, #executives rspond, #clouds, #dollar signs, #slow clap

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Boss: Make a PowerPoint deck showing our progress on Project Unicorn. Dilbert: There hasn't been any progress. Boss: That's okay. Use a large font. Dilbert: Style is not a substitute for substance. Boss: You're thinking like a worker bee. There's no time for substance when you're at the top. Executives only respond to familiar colors and shapes. Clouds, dollar signs... that sort of thing. Dilbert: ...and in conclusion. Boss: Come on slow clap.

What Phase Of The Project

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What Phase Of The Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 2015's comic on:


Tags #insult, #insulting, #project, #questioning

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Boss: What phase is your project in? Dilbert: This is the phase where people ask stupid questions. Boss: How long does it last? Dilbert: It isn't looking good for today.

Wally Heads Up Ai Project

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Wally Heads Up Ai Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 20, 2016's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #project, #fake

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Boss: Wally, I need you to head up our artificial intelligence project. You will have no budget and no hope of success. I just like saying we're working on AI. And you're completely useless, so it's a good match. Wally: I won't let you down.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 15, 2011's comic on:


Tags #cruelty, #managers & supervisors, #couldn't be worse, #bad idea, #Funny, #project is bad idea

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The Boss says, "How's everything going?" Dilbert says, "It couldn't be worse." Dilbert says, "I was the only person who said this project is a bad idea. Then you assigned it to me." The Boss says, "It's funnier when I make them say it." Dilbert says, "Grrrr"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 2011's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #charged project, #accountants, #arsenic based life forms, #natural enemy

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Accounting Dilbert says, "You charged my project for expenses that aren't mine." Finance Troll says, "Let me see that." Finance Troll says, "We accountants are arsenic-based life forms. That makes you my natural enemy." Dilbert says, "That is not logical." Finance Troll says, "Live long and phospher."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2011's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #laziness, #project budget, #new technology, #slow learner, #expensive

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Woman says, "You used the entire engineering portion of my project budget just learning the new technology." Wally says, "I'm sorry things didn't work out for you." Wally says, "Some say I'm a slow learner, but I like to think of myself as expensive."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 04, 2012's comic on:


Tags #suspicion, #thinking, #new information, #project scope, #anticipate, #think

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Dilbert: Based on this new information, you'll want to change our project scope. Boss: I don't do that. Dilbert: What? Think? Today I learned it's better if I don't try to guess what people mean.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 2012's comic on:


Tags #language, #thinking, #project management, #life cycle, #abtraction, #weightless, #management process

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Ted: The project management framework embodies a project life cycle and five major project management process groups. Dilbert: Oh no! The extreme level of abstraction has made us weightless! Ted: That doesn't even make sense.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 2012's comic on:


Tags #appearences, #big cubicle, #loose weight, #project leader, #status system, #toilet paper holder, #wider cubicle

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Boss: Congratulations! I'm naming you project leader. As such, you are entitled to a cubicle that is three inches wider than standard. Dilbert: I like the one I have. Boss: You don't have a choice. It is critical that we maintain the integrity of the status system. Otherwise our CEO will look like a jerk for having a private bathroom with a trained falcon as a toilet paper holder. Dilbert: Fine. Where's my larger cubicle? Boss: Here's the awkward part. We don't have one. I need you to lose weight until it looks as if your cubicle is larger. Dilbert: And if I don't? Boss: The falcon needs an assistant.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 2012's comic on:


Tags #being a jerk, #big picture, #breaking up tasks, #emotionally gutted, #engineer, #engineers, #individual tasks, #losing will to live, #meetings, #personal life, #project plan, #rational plan, #sense of purpose

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Boss: Any comments on the project plan? Dilbert: When you consider all of the tasks together, they form a rational plan. But our individual tasks are so far removed from the big picture that they are stripped of meaning. You've managed to remove all sense of purpose from my life. On an intellectual level, I understand the benefits of breaking tasks into small chunks. But you've left me emotionally gutted. As I read your plan, I'm losing my will to live. Boss: Can't you find meaning in your personal life? Tina: He's an engineer. Dilbert: Now you're just being a jerk.