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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 1994's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #consulting company, #new course, #business, #extra brains, #liver, #ratbert

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Dogbert: The Dogbert Consulting Company will plot a new course for your business. My consultants are so smart that their brains don't fit in their heads, They have to start the extra brains to their torsos. Ratbert: why do I need a piece of liver strapped to my torso? Dogbert: I got a little carried away at the pitch meeting.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 15, 1994's comic on:


Tags #invite yourself, #meeting, #split donut, #ratbert at meeting, #no experience in marketing, #advised

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Ratbert arrives at home carrying a briefcase and says to Dogbert, "I didn't get the job in marketing. They say I have no experience." Dogbert responds, "Try inviting yourself to meetings. Nobody ever says no, and they're too timid to kick you out once you sit down." Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. Ratbert stands on the table next to a box of donuts and says, "Does anybody want to split a donut? I'll just take half and leave the rest."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 1995's comic on:


Tags #alarmed, #rat floating, #mid air, #rendered invisible, #worthless assignments, #bad attitude, #quality meeting

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The Boss is surprised to see Ratbert hanging in midair. Ratbert says, "Don't be alarmed. I'm not really a rat floating in midair." Ratbert continues, "I'm clinging to the back of an employee who has been rendered invisible by a long succession of worthless assignments." The Boss comments, "Looks like an isolated case of bad attitude." Behind the Boss, a beaver is suspended in midair. The beaver asks, "Which room is the 'quality' meeting in?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 17, 1996's comic on:


Tags #computer support, #elbonian data base, #expensive consultant, #five hundred dollars, #meeting

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The Boss, Alice, Ratbert, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We're going to replace our computer support systems with the Elbonian database product." The Boss gestures toward Ratbert and continues, "It's risky, but don't worry. I've hired an outrageously expensive consultant who has never done this before." Ratbert says to Wally, "I earned five hundred dollars just coming to this meeting. How's YOUR day going?" Wally replies, "It won't make my top ten."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 1994's comic on:


Tags #aa meeting, #ratbert, #fear of computers, #technophobe, #wrong meeting, #alcoholics anonymous, #interupt, #elaborate excuses, #avoid computers, #web of deception

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Ratbert: My name is Ratbert. I fear the information superhighway. Like most of you, my problem started because I never learned to type. I thought only secretaries needed to type. Then the computers came. At first I dismissed them as mere toys for men with no social skills. Soon they were everywhere. I would invent elaborate excuses to avoid computers. I was caught in my own web of deception. MAN: This is "alcoholics anonymous" Ratbert: I didn't interrupt you. Man: Can we talk about me now?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 18, 2003's comic on:


Tags #grabbed by hand, #my sales meeting, #dressed like god, #huge hand, #guy, #thought it would be funny, #hee hee

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The plane is shown being grabbed by a giant hand. A flight crew member announces, "Folks, please stay in your seats. We've been grabbed by a huge hand." The woman next to Dilbert looks terrified. Dilbert says, "I hope this has nothing to do with how I dressed for my sales meeting at the Vatican." Ratbert is watching television at home. A voice from the television says, "But it turned out to be a guy with a huge hand who said he 'thought it would be funny.'" Ratbert laughs, "Hee hee! Huge hand."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 1992's comic on:


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Dogbert says to Dilbert, Ratbert, and Bob and Dawn the Dinosaurs, "Thank you all for coming." Dogbert continues, "I called this house meeting because somebody tipped off the authorities about my insider stock trading." Dogbert says, "Somebody in this room is a rat." Ratbert looks worried as he asks, "Figuratively speaking?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 10, 1994's comic on:


Tags #ratbert the consultant, #analytical mind, #business consultant, #socially dysfunctional, #brought in, #consulatant

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Ratbert the Consultant Dogbert: It takes more than a brilliant analytical mind to be a business consultant, You also need to be arrogant and socially dysfunctional, Ratbert: Does anybody know what a consultant was brought in to do your thinking? anybody? anbbody?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 07, 1994's comic on:


Tags #ratbert, #birds and bees, #get stung, #birds, #humming bird, #sex with birds, #words to say

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Ratbert: "Dogbert told me about the birds and the bees." "The bee part confuses me. It seems like I'd get stung." "And as for birds, I just wouldn't know the words to say." Dilbert: "Try a humming bird."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 1994's comic on:


Tags #areodynamic, #blow on me, #handy, #ratbert, #smart, #attractive

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Ratbert: I may not be smart and I may not be attractive... But I am Aerodynamic!! Dilbert: that night come in handy in a minute. Ratbert: Blow on me.