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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 2002's comic on:


Tags #study culture, #in company, #detailed recommendations, #docile outcast, #drinks brown water, #staple tracking device

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Dogbert is standing on The Boss' desk wearing a hat, a backpack, and holding a stick. Dogbert says, "I will study the culture in your company and make detailed recommendations." Dogbert observes Wally and records, "The one I call Wally is a docile outcast who eats bananas and drinks brown water." Dogbert asks Wally, "Do you mind if I staple this tracking device to your ear?" Wally responds, "Not really."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 15, 2005's comic on:


Tags #paying for consulting, #no recommendations, #feel secure, #shaping strategies, #hate you, #feel good

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"I keep paying you for consulting, but you never make any recommendations." "I'm what you call a "feel good."" "My job is to make you feel secure in the knowledge that someone brilliant is shaping your strategies." "This is weird; I hate you, but at the same time I feel good." "You're welcome."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 2005's comic on:


Tags #400 per hour, #expensive, #ball rolling, #process using, #recommendations

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The Boss: Mister Dogbert has agreed to consult for $400 per hour. "I know it's expensive but you get what you pay for." "Let's get the ball rolling." "My first question is: what process will you be using to arrive at your recommendations?" Dogbert: "a..." "very...slow one..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 29, 2011's comic on:


Tags #gadgets, #mobile (cell) phones, #new phone, #recommendations, #dropped calls, #poor battery life, #hate the messenger, #build phones

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Carol: I need a new phone. Which one do you recommend? Dilbert: Do you want to be angry about your dropped calls or angry about your poor battery life? Don't hate the messenger. Carol: People similar to you build phones.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 28, 1998's comic on:


Tags #low priced consultant, #reasonably priced, #roll around hamburger patties

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The Boss and Wally sitting at table. The Boss says I saved a lot of money by hiring a low-priced consultant." The Boss hands Dilbert a piece of paper and says, "These aren't the best recommendations in the world, but the price was very resasonable." Asok the Intern, Dilbert, Wally peruse the recommendations. Asok says, "I don't like this one about rolling around on unwashed hamburger patties." The Boss says, "Keep an open mind."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 29, 1998's comic on:


Tags #declare martial law, #jailing ombudsmen, #personal phone calls, #recommend changes, #shoot emplyees, #shoot employees

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Dogbert and The Boss sitting at table. Dogbert passes a memo to The Boss and says, "Although your company is very profitable, I wouldn't be much of a consultant if I didn't recommend changes." The Boss views the recommendations and says, "You recommend jailing our ombudsman and declaring martial law ... makes sense." The Boss asks Dogbert, "Then could I shoot employees who make personal phone calls?" Dogbert replies, "It's okay with me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 25, 1998's comic on:


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Caption: Dogbert Consults Dogbert and the boss sit at a desk. Dogbert is in the boss' chair. Dogbert says, "My recommendations are based on an analysis of accountability." The boss says, "Ohh." Dogbert says, "As a consultant, I'm not accountable to your stockholders. So I can recommend anything that amuses me." Dogbert says, "I recommend that you convert all of your U.S. dollars to elbonian currency... whatever that is." The boss says, "The eyecrud."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 2001's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #therapy session, #everyone is lying, #stock market, #congress, #boss, #therapy, #scientifically proven

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Dilbert: It feel like everyone in the world is lying to me. Congress is lying about the budget. Stock analysts are lying about their recommendations, My boss is lying, This therapy stuff us scientifically proven to work, right? Therapist Its 100% effective.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 24, 2008's comic on:


Tags #argument, #blame, #boss, #disater, #fault, #new software, #recommended against, #responsible

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Alice: The new software is a disaster. The Boss: They why did you recommend it? Alice: This software is your idea. I recommended against it! So who's fault is it? The Boss: The person with the unpersuasive recommendations?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 14, 2013's comic on:


Tags #access, #apprval, #blocked website, #cip, #director of hr, #hostiliy, #mean, #threat

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This website has been blocked by your company. Dilbert: Mordac, I need access to a blocked site for business reasons, Mordac: I can only unblock the site if the director of human resources sends me a written approval. Catbert: I can only make recommendations, Our Cis still has to approve it. Chief Information Officer How dare you bother me with your trivial website problem! Carol back into your hole and think about the career mistake you just made! Dilbert: Can we kip the part where you ask me what I accomplished this week?