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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 08, 1997's comic on:


Tags #ballon with sand, #breaks, #little ballon, #requests new keyboard, #sand in keyboard, #stressful day, #reduce stress

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Dilbert squeezes a "stress ball" while he sits at his computer. He thinks, "It's been a stressful day. Luckily I have this little balloon full of sand to squeeze and reduce my stress." Dilbert squeezes the balloon so hard it goes "poof" and sand falls into his keyboard. Dilbert thinks, "Oops." The Boss holds a paper, an equipment request, and says to Dilbert, "You need a new kybard? What's a kybard?" Dilbert is extremely angry and screams, "Just sign the stupid thing!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 01, 2011's comic on:


Tags #new year resolutions, #dvr, #geeky science shows, #snore, #asthmatic cow, #impose resolutions, #habit chnagers, #behavior requests

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Dogbert: I made a list of demands for you new year's resolutions. Dilbert: Thous salt not fill up the DVR with geeky science shows. ....Thou shalt not snore like an asthmatic cow.... I didn't know other people could impose resolutions on me, Dogbert: Its a new thing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 1995's comic on:


Tags #bent over, #chairs, #key boards, #lower back pain, #management kick ass, #new policy, #on floor, #only explination, #uncomfortable

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Dilbert watches as Wally sits in his chair and bends over to reach his keyboard on the floor. Wally says, "This new policy of keeping our keyboards on the floor is ridiculous!" Dilbert says, "The only possible explanation is to make us all stooped over so it's easier for management to kick our behinds! Ha ha ha!" Wally laughs. As the Boss peeks into Wally's cubicle, Dilbert looks shocked and says, "Wait a minute . . . That IS the only explanation." Wally says, "Cover me; I'm going to the printer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 24, 1999's comic on:


Tags #new software, #gently warm, #key board, #easier, #laptop lighter, #market driven, #create diversion

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The boss pionts to a projection of a steaming keyboard. The boss says, "OUr new software will gently warm your keyboard so the keys are easier to press." Dilber and Wally listen. The boss says, "We'll budnle it with our software that makes your laptop lighter." The boss says, "In a word, we have become "market driven"" Wally whispers, to Dilbert, "Creat a diversion. I'll run for help."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 27, 1998's comic on:


Tags #new corporate policy, #boss reads, #alice, #falls asleep, #boring, #wordy dcoument

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The Boss comes into Alice's cubicle and says, "Alice, we have a new corporate policy." The Boss continues, "And I quote..." The Boss begins reading, "'Initiate the description for the criteria of requirements...'" Alice looks on as the Boss continues, "'...By developing a framework for the application architecture...'" Alice's eyes begin to droop and she thinks, "So tired." The Boss continues, "'Consistent with the planning corridor specified in our strategic initiative..." Alice's head rests on the keyboard and she is asleep. The Boss says, "Did you get all that?" The Boss goes into Wally's cubicle and says, "Wally, come here for a minute?" Wally goes into Alice's cubicle with the Boss and the Boss holds out a piece of paper and asks, "Read this and tell me if she's doing any of it right now."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 16, 2002's comic on:


Tags #eat lunch, #few typos, #launch prodcut, #new prodcut, #other thing, #marketing, #business

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Wally is sleeping on his keyboard. His computer makes noises, "Click Click Send." Headline: Marketing. An employee in the marketing department says to his coworker, "Someone named Wally is telling us to launch the new product." The employee continues, "Or it might say to eat lunch with a penguin. It has a few typos." The coworker replies, "I already ate, so let's do the other thing."

Gravy On Keyboard

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Gravy On Keyboard - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Wally, #tina, #gravy, #keyboard, #coffee

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Tina: Do you know why my keyboard has gravy all over it? Dilbert: Oh, sorry, my phone rang while I was eating at my desk and I didn't have a napkin so I used your keyboard. Tina: I... Don't even know how to respond to that. Wally: Phew! That's what I was hoping.

Introducing The New Hire

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Introducing The New Hire - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 31, 2018's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #new hire, #names, #introduction

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The New Hire New Hire: Can you take me around the office and introduce me? The Boss: No, that scheme won't work because it requires me to admit I don't know most of their names. New Hire: What's my name? The Boss: Um... Does it start with a letter?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 29, 2011's comic on:


Tags #fake press relases, #new green technology, #scientist, #2040 power home, #refrigerator door, #science

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Dogbert says, "I'm writing fake press releases for imaginary new green energy technologies." Computer says, "Scientists say that by 2040 you will be able to power your entire home with the breeze from your refrigerator door." Dilbert says, "Now how will I know which green breakthroughs are real?" Dogbert says, "Seriously? You think there are real ones?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 15, 2011's comic on:


Tags #big business, #children drawing & painting, #executives, #chalky substance, #layers of mangement, #new layers, #p, #avp, #director, #doplphon, #inanimate object

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CEO: I'm adding a few layers of management below me. The new layers are VP, AVP, Director, dolphin, inanimate object, and chalky substance. If you have any issue, I encourage you to talk to the chalky substance.