Search Results for "research"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Dogbert's Unreliable Research Company

Thank you for voting.
Dogbert's Unreliable Research Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 2017's comic on:


Tags #research, #truth, #accuracy, #lying, #market research, #yes-man

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I'm the CEO of Dogbert's Unreliable Research Company. My services cost less than regular research because all I do is tell you whatever you want to hear. CEO: Is that defensible? Dogbert: I'm sensing you want a yes on that.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 18, 2011's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #meetings, #telephones, #returned calls, #tragus, #phone, #research on excuses, #useless, #big difference

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker says, "Why haven't you returned my calls?" Wally says, "I tried, but when I put the phone to my ear, it pressed my tragus over my ear hole and I couldn't hear a thing." Coworker says, "Do you do research on your excuses before meetings?" Wally says, "I'm not lazy, I'm useless. There's a big difference."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 06, 2011's comic on:


Tags #review document, #comments, #research, #postpone, #plan a

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'll review your document and give you my comments this afternoon. Dilbert: No you won't. You'll read one paragraph then tell me to go research something so you can postpone dealing with it. Boss: They know about Plan "A."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 22, 2012's comic on:


Tags #internet & world wide web, #research, #believe internet, #roll eyes, #ignorance

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: According to my research on the internet, Plan B will work best. Boss: I'm rolling my eyes because you believe everything you read on the internet. Dilbert: I should take a picture in case someone ever asks me if ignorance has a tell.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 12, 2004's comic on:


Tags #tainted research, #skinny people, #bright light, #association of donught makers, #wheel chair, #man in bandages

View Transcript

Transcript

"I'm starting a company that specializes in doing tainted research." "The Association of Doughnut Makers asked me to prove that skinny people can't go to heaven." "Did you see a bright light before the doctors revived you?" "No, why?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 2004's comic on:


Tags #poorly designed product, #ever been killed, #tainted research

View Transcript

Transcript

"This is the Dogbert research company. Have you ever been killed by a poorly designed product?" "My tainted research shows that your products haven't killed anyone." "For an extra $50,000, I can call a second person." "I don't want to jinx it."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 2004's comic on:


Tags #tainted research, #media, #clebrities, #blood, #environmental issues, #humor, #larry david, #hybrid car

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert:"We need to get you on TV to publicize the tainted research I did." "The media likes celebrities, blood, environmental issues and humor." "Someone pushed a pointy-haired man in front of Larry David's car today."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 03, 2007's comic on:


Tags #job opening, #research and development, #escape the mismanaged, #futility, #current job, #boss has similar idea

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: There's a job opening for an engineer in research and development!" "It's a chance to escape the mismanaged futility of my current job and live the dream!" The Boss: Hey, there's an opening for a new manager of research and development!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 29, 2012's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #prosperity, #intuition, #market research, #success rate, #binary choices, #tiny manager, #made of copper

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: From now on, I'm going to rely on my intuition instead of market research. Dilbert: If guessing can bring your success rate up to 50% for binary choices, I'm all for it. Hey, look! I found a tiny manager made of copper in my pocket!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 02, 2012's comic on:


Tags #office buildings, #cubicle workplace, #open floor plan, #research, #pattern, #randomize evil

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We're thinking of moving from a cubicle workplace to an open floor plan. Dilbert: Is that because you did some research that discovered that the open floor plan is the only thing worse than what we have now? Boss: They figured out the pattern. Catbert: I told you we should randomize our evil!