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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 2011's comic on:


Tags #dating, #restaurants, #filling survey, #surveys, #guilty, #date, #dinner, #restaurant, #Food, #favorite restaurant, #romance, #waiter, #pick up waiter, #ruined, #relationships

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Waiter: Would you mind filling out this customer survey so we know how we're doing? Dilbert: I don't have time to fill out surveys about everything I do. But you're making me feel guilty about not doing it. Oh no! You turned a good customer experience into something ugly. It's getting all awkward and I'm looking like a big jerk in front my date. Now I can never again eat here because I'm afraid of what you'll do to my food. You've ruined my favorite restaurant, as well as my chance of romance with this woman. Waiter: ... favorite restaurant... Woman: What are you doing later?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 1992's comic on:


Tags #ratbert, #bob, #dinosaur, #meaningless, #existence, #ironically, #ruined, #life

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Ratbert says to Bob the Dinosaur, "Bob, sometimes I wonder if there's a place in this world for a sensitive rat like me." Ratbert continues, "I can't live the hollow, meaningless shell of existence that others so ironically call 'life.'" Ratbert concludes, "I want to make a difference to people." Bob says, "Well, you ruined MY day."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 04, 1995's comic on:


Tags #attractive product, #another vendor, #stupid deciosn, #careers ruined, #contract, #loyal employees, #million units, #nice raises

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Wally and Dilbert at a conference table with a vendor. Dilbert looks at a product and says, "Your company makes an attractive little product, Jim." Dilbert hands the unit back to Jim. Dilbert says, "But we've decided to go with a vendor whose product actually works." Jim stands up suddenly, causing Dilbert's tie to fly straight up. Jim screams, "Fools!!! I'll crush you!!!" Jim continues, "I'll tell your boss you made a stupid decision!! Your careers will be ruined and I'll get the contract anyway!!" Wally says, "You can't scare us! Do you think our boss will believe a vendor over his own loyal employees?" Wally and Dilbert cross their arms and think, "Must . . . keep . . . a . . . straight . . . face . . ." Wally, Dilbert and Jim erupt in laughter. Dilbert says, "We'll take a million units." Jim says, "Take two million and I'll see that you get nice raises."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 27, 2004's comic on:


Tags #deadly safety flaw, #stock plunge, #massive layoffs, #ruined career, #dead customers, #hardest

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Asok: "Wally, I discovered a deadly safety flaw in our product. Who should I inform?" Wally: "No one. The stock would plunge and we'd have massive layoffs. Your career would be ruined." Asok: "But my negligence could cause the deaths of a dozen customers." Wally: "The first dozen is always the hardest."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 23, 2004's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #team assignments, #mprotant things, #ruined meeting, #clueless nimrods, #business

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The Boss: "Alice, I've been told that you ignore your team's assignments and work on things that aren't your job." Alice: "That's true. I do important things instead of useless things assigned by clueless nimrods." The Boss: "You totally ruined this meeting."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 09, 2004's comic on:


Tags #dress code, #tank tops, #belly shirts, #ruined meeting

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"I've been forced to update the dress code." "Effective today, tank tops and belly shirts are not allowed in the office." "Once again, you've ruined it for everyone."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 08, 2004's comic on:


Tags #credit reporting company, #data, #death, #debilitating, #health problems, #low cost provider, #ruined lives, #medical

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Dogbert: Im starting a credit reporting company. I'll be the low cost provider because all of my data will be wrong, Dilbert: what will you do when people call and complain that you ruined their lives? Dogbert: I'll put them on hold until their frustration turn into debilitating health problems. Their last words will be AAAGH!!!! I only wanted to buy a minivan! Death will accomplish what customer service could not. Dilbert: Im just curious: Do you have nay qualms about your business plan? any at all? Dogbert: Im not sure. do qualms make you wag?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 2012's comic on:


Tags #interviewed users, #suggestions, #idiots, #dumb suggestions, #hindsight

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Dilbert: We interviewed hundreds of users and turned all of their suggestions into features. As it turns out, every user we talked to was an idiot, and their dumb suggestions ruined our product. In hindsight, we probably should have talked to people who work outside this building.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 31, 1989's comic on:


Tags #walls laundry

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Dilbert walks into Wally's Laundry. The person behind the counter says, "We accidentally ruined your shirts - so we added a little glue and wrapped them around a stick." Dilbert arrives at home carrying a shirt wrapped around a stick. Dogbert says, "Granted, it was good initiative, but in my view, it was not a tipping situation."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 17, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #beaver, #troop, #Dogbert, #leader, #philsininski, #mailman, #ambition, #Kids, #merit, #badges, #obedient, #servants, #greatness

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Dogbert approaches three boys in scout uniforms. He says, "Attention, beaver troup! I am Dogbert, your new leader." Dogbert continues, "Mrs. Philbininski, your previous troop leader, ran off with the mailman." Dogbert picks up a chair and says, "I volunteered to lead the troop . . ." Dogbert stands on the chair and continues, ". . . So I could mold your putty-like brains into tools to serve my personal amibition for world conquest." Dogbert continues, "You will be my army of obedient servants." Dogbert shouts, "We will march together toward greatness!!!" One of the scouts says, "There's no merit badge for world conquest. We only work for merit badges." Dogbert walks on the sidewalk thinking, "Mrs. Philbininski ruined those kids."