Search Results for "rumor control"
Share June 19, 2008's comic on:
Dogbert says, "I'm from the Dogbert Rumor Control Service." Dogbert says, "People are saying Ted is an exotic male dancer on weekends. I know it isn't true because he spends all of his free time in a terrorist training camp." Alice says, "Isn't that worse?" Dogbert says, "I get paid per rumor. It's not a perfect system."
Share June 18, 2008's comic on:
Dogbert's Rumor Control Ted says, "I need to squash a workplace rumor that I'm an idiot." Dogbert says, "I charge $10 for each false rumor and $1,000 for any rumor I decide is true." Ted says, "Sounds fair." Dogbert says, "Really? That just cost you $1,000."
Share January 10, 2018's comic on:
Dogbert consults Dogbert: Nevre insult your co workers directly. The company would fire you for that. Instead say you heard a rumor but you can't divulge your source. Asok: that feels wrong. Dogbert: Someone told me your dating your pillow.
Share August 14, 2011's comic on:
Dilbert: Can I work at home for two days per week? I can be twice as productive, and happier at the same time. Boss: I probably shouldn't tell you this... but you're part of an elaborate science experiment to see how much frustrations it takes to kill employees. Why else would the company make you commute for two hours a day just to sit in a tiny box? Don't feel bad: no one told me either. I had to piece it together from the evidence. Now I do my part to keep the experiment moving along. Dilbert: Other people work from home. Boss: Are you referring to the control group?
Share February 14, 2012's comic on:
Dilbert: My brain reader invention allows me to control any nearby computer. Co-worker: That's nothing! My phone can... Dilbert: I did that with my mind. Co-worker: That's nothing! I made you do it!
Share April 15, 2012's comic on:
Dilbert: I did a study of our past business plans and found something. There's no correlation between our predicted and actual outcomes. That might be a problem for you. Your enormous CEO compensation is based on the myth that you have some control over our profitability. CEO: Ha! Dilbert: Ha! CEO: Is it just me or is this awkward? Dilbert: No, I'm feeling it too.
Share April 20, 2012's comic on:
Boss: Can you hack into our competitor's network and make it look as if the Elbonians did it? Dilbert: No. Boss: Can you bribe a blogger to write good things about our company? Dilbert: No. Boss: Now that I've worn down your limited capacity for self-control, I need you to bury something in the woods, no questions asked. Dilbert: Fine.
Share May 17, 1989's comic on:
Dilbert asks Dogbert, "Notice anything different, Dogbert?" Dogbert replies, "Uh . . ." Dilbert says, "I'm wearing THREE pens, not just two." Dogbert says, "That's a pretty bold fashion statement." Dilbert replies, "I guess I was out of control."
Share June 11, 1990's comic on:
Dilbert says to Dawn and Bob the Dinosaurs, "I have a plan to deprogram you from the control of Dogbert's cult." Dilbert continues, "My theory is that the brain reflexively embraces the most ridiculous explanation of reality." Dilbert concludes, "So, we just have to think of something more ridiculous than following a dog's commands." Bob asks, "Like listening to you?"
Share April 23, 1992's comic on:
Dilbert stands over an unconscious man. Another man yells, "Aaagh! You whacked Randy with your remote control airplane!!!" Dilbert says, "Oops!" The man continues to yell, "I'm warning you, frisbee people and airplane people don't mix . . . Like cattle and sheep . . . You'll pay for this!! I swear . . ." Another remote control plane hits the man in the head and knocks him out. Dilbert says, "Good one, Dogbert."