Search Results for "running in place"
Share August 25, 2013's comic on:
Tags #natural disasters, #disaster preparedness, #famine, #keyboard, #crumbs, #alene invasion, #kill a coworker, #lizard people, #impending collison, #asteroid, #running in place, #earth rotates, #planet, #hit by asteroid, #human flesh, #presentation is a disater
Wally: I've been asked to explain our disaster preparedness plan. In the event of a famine, turn your keyboard upside down and shake. If it's anything like mine, you'll find a pound and a half of crumbs. In the event of an alien invasion, your best bet is to kill a co-worker to show your allegiance to the lizard-people. In the event of an impending collision with an asteroid, try running in place while the Earth rotates. If you time it right, you'll be on the other side of the planet when the asteroid hits. To prepare for every other type of disaster, I recommend cultivating a taste for human flesh. Boss: Your presentation is a disaster. Wally: And next time you'll be prepared for it.
Share March 27, 2012's comic on:
Wally: I'm escaping the mental prison of this job by creating apps in my mind and fantasizing about running a start-up. Gaaa!!! The start-up is too much work! The stress is killing me! Take me back to my prison! I'm back. Did I say anything embarrassing? Dilbert: It's all relative.
Share June 27, 1995's comic on:
The Boss says to Alice, "Alice, I want you to benchmark these world-class companies. Find out how we compare." Alice responds, "I'm betting they don't make verbs out of nouns. And I'll bet they don't assign engineers to do field research." Alice talks on the phone in her office. She asks, "Do you guys have any pointy-haired idiots running your place? . . . Would you like one?"
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Share May 01, 2007's comic on:
ELbonian: "Please help me. Your dog has enslaved my people in your basement and forced us to make running shoes!" Dilbert: "GAAA!!! MY EYES!!!" pssst "I like to help people, but I also like inexpensive footwear."
Share February 07, 2007's comic on:
Dilbert: You said to tell you if marketing wasn't cooperating. The Boss: You can't come running to me with every little problem. Go fix it. Dilbert: Then why did you tell me to tell you?! The boss: It's just something I say.
Share September 06, 2008's comic on:
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert says, "We're instituting a mandatory stretch period every day." Asok says, "This is surprising because human resources usually doesn't care about employee wellness." Catbert says, "Phase one is just to get you good and flexible. Phase two involves a new place to tuck your head."
Share May 24, 2010's comic on:
Wally says, "I invented a sink that attaches to my body. The faucet is activated by your voice." The Boss says, "Wally, what possible use could this stupid thing have? I need you to do some real work." Wally says, "What? I can't hear you when the water is running!"
Share August 14, 2007's comic on:
Dogbert: "Ratbert, I want you to be my vice presidential running mate." "Your job is to be so unpopular that no one will want to assassinate me." Ratbert: "I can do that!" Dilbert: "Seriously. Stop campaigning on my shoe." grrr!!!
Share February 09, 2014's comic on:
Dilbert: Can you show me how to set up temporary credentials for our web services? Alice: Only if you are prepared for your ritual shaming. Dilbert: Yes, always. Alice: Okay, here it goes. What kind of engineer doesn't know how to set up temporary credentials? Ha ha ha ha! I will tell this story for years! Hey, everyone! Guess what Dilbert doesn't know! That should be enough to poison your well of credibility. Dilbert: This isn't a healthy place. Alice: Then why do I feel so alive?