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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 2010's comic on:


Tags #invention, #gadget, #sink attaches to body, #faucet on head, #running water, #work, #annoyed, #hearing, #yell

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Wally says, "I invented a sink that attaches to my body. The faucet is activated by your voice." The Boss says, "Wally, what possible use could this stupid thing have? I need you to do some real work." Wally says, "What? I can't hear you when the water is running!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Don't blame me, but there's no budget to give you a raise this year." "Why not?" "My business trip to Las Vegas cost four million dollars because I passed out in the bathtub with the water running and flooded five floors." "The bartenders there are totally irresponsible."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 31, 2011's comic on:


Tags #office buildings, #annoyance

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Boss: The company is considering moving from cubicles to an open workspace environment. Dilbert: Great idea. Can we add some crying babies and the sound of water dripping? Boss: You're being stupid. Dilbert: Maybe I'll be smarter when I have more distractions.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 2011's comic on:


Tags #groceries & grocery stores, #saving & investment, #natural disasters

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Dilbert: I'm preparing for the complete meltdown of our financial system. I've got six months of food and water. I have batteries, flashlights, and gold coins. Alice: I'm prepare too. I have your home address. And I noticed that your preparations are light on defensive weaponry. Can you add some protein bars to the shopping list?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 2011's comic on:


Tags #excitement, #gloating

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Boss: I'm excited because I have a meeting in a few minutes with Awesome Bob. Everything he does is just a little bit more awesome than what anyone else does. Carol: He's running late because the dry cleaner couldn't get the sushi stains out of his flying wingsuit. Boss: AWESOME!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 02, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #environmental issues

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CEO: We're going to start fracking under our biggest competitors headquarters. My plan is to pollute their water and generate earthquakes to destroy their campus. The project code name is "fracking awesome." Dilbert: Catchy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 2012's comic on:


Tags #fantasy

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Wally: I'm escaping the mental prison of this job by creating apps in my mind and fantasizing about running a start-up. Gaaa!!! The start-up is too much work! The stress is killing me! Take me back to my prison! I'm back. Did I say anything embarrassing? Dilbert: It's all relative.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 11, 1989's comic on:


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Dilbert looks down at a water fountain and says, "I hate this . . . When I'm really thirsty, there always seems to be some disgusting public fountain to taunt me." Dilbert continues, "No doubt this thing is crawling with cooties, and I'll have to wrap my lips around it to slurp the water out." The fountain says, "Hey, I'm not too thrilled about you, either."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 27, 1989's comic on:


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Dilbert sits on the bank of a stream and casts a fishing pole into the water. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "It's just man against fish out here, my friend." Dilbert continues, "Although it's a bit of a mismatch, with my superior brain, equipment and strength." Dogbert stands on the bank and says, "Boy, all that and he can water-ski, too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 19, 1990's comic on:


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Dilbert says into the telephone, "Hello, is this the library reference desk?" A voice answers, "Yes." Dilbert asks, "What's the average running speed of the Tazmanian Boola-Boola dog?" The librarian replies, "8.3 miles per hour." Dilbert looks at the phone and says, "I can't believe she knew that." The librarian says, "And you have something stuck in your teeth."