Search Results for "savings"
Share January 26, 2011's comic on:
The Boss says, "We've decided to use the new tax incentives on the projects we were going to do anyway." The Boss says, "The tax savings will go toward executive bonuses, which stimulate the economy via the 'trickle on your heads' theory." Alice says, "It's called the 'trickle down' theory." The Boss says, "Not on poker night."
Share August 02, 1994's comic on:
Dogbert's Ad Agency Dogbert: Ive developed a new slogan that captures the essence of those company. "we abuse our employess and pass the savings to you" We'll film actual employees in their squalid cubicles. The boss: Wear that shirt
Share July 28, 1995's comic on:
His boss in procurement explains to Bob the Dinosaur, "Your duties are simple. People will come to you and ask for things." Bob's boss continues, "Assume all employees are lying, treasure-hunting thieves. Give them low-cost substitutes and claim the savings on your accomplishments." An employee says to Bob, "I asked for a multimedia laptop PC. This is a 'Dymo' labeler." Bob responds, "Nice try, Paul, if that's your real name."
Share November 14, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert sits at a table with a woman. Dilbert says, "Your resume looks good, but we could only pay half of what you're making now. Are you interested?" The woman replies, "So . . . You're looking for a brilliant engineer who is actively seeking a pay cut?" Dilbert says, "Well, you have to consider the many intangibles." The woman asks, "Such as my savings account if I worked here?"
Share February 18, 1998's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his computer, hand on the mouse. Dogbert stands on the desk and says, "I'm going to make an infomercial." Dogbert starts wagging his tail and says, "I'm targeting the people who want to invest their savings, but don't know how." Dilbert says, "I hope you plan to sell educational information about how to avoid scams." Dogbert says, "Good idea for phase two!"
Share July 17, 2002's comic on:
Alice says to The Boss, "You made a fortune selling your stock options last month and now we're bankrupt." Alice continues, "My 401l is worthless. So, in effect, you've stolen my life savings." Alice yells, "This would be a bad time to make quote marks in the air while saying, 'in effect.'" The Boss has his hands raised to make quote marks. He stops and says, "Ooh."
Share February 24, 2010's comic on:
Alice says, "You added the savings from my project to the budge for Ted's project." Alice says, "Ted is a serial failer. You've destroyed in advance any hope that I might do something useful." The Boss says, "Maybe you could help Ted on his project." Alice says, "Ow! Ow! Making it worse!"
Share June 29, 2008's comic on:
The Boss says, "Our CEO decided to eliminated employee bonuses." The Boss says, "The savings will be used to produce an in-house movie to inspire you." Dilbert says, "Inspire us to do what?" The Boss says, "For starters, we'd like you to be happy about being underpaid." The Boss says, "Our fun-loving executives will wear festive costumes and sing about the virtues of poverty." The Boss says, "The movie is called 'The Sounds of No Money.'" The Boss says, "The premiere is on our CEO's yacht. He wants all of you to be there." Asok says, "We're invited to his yacht?" The Boss says, "The yacht runs on whale oil, so bring a harpoon."
Share January 06, 2002's comic on:
Dilbert points to a diagram that reads, "Year 1." He says, "The project got off to a slow start." Dilbert continues, "First we had the reorganization." Dilbert continues, "Then the merger. And the layoffs." Dilbert continues, "Budget freeze. Office relocation." Dilbert continues, "New Ceo, New consultants, New strategy." Business associates listen as Dilbert continues, "Eventually the whole industry changed and the opportunity evaporated." Dilbert continues, "So we classified our unused budget as "savings" and gave everyone a shirt. A female business associate turns to The Boss and says, "You said you'd show us your 'best practices.'" The Boss replies, "What are you implying?"
Share February 26, 2015's comic on:
Asok: I followed your investment advice and lost all of my savings in the stock market. Boss: Did I mention that past performance is not an indication of future returns. Asok: Then... how does "advice" actually work? Boss: It only works for the people that give it.