Search Results for "secret"
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Share February 16, 1998's comic on:
Dilbert and Alice are talking in the hall over a cup of coffee. Bob walks up holding a box of his office supplies and says, "I've been chosen for the industrial espionage program." Bob gets an evil look on his face and says, "The plan is that I quit this job and go work for our competitor. Every week I'll send back secret reports." Alice says, "Bob, this is how we fire dumb people." Bob turns to go and says, "That's why it's the perfect cover."
Share February 26, 1999's comic on:
The Boss approaches Tina and says, "...so Tina, you shouldn't have..." Tina thinks to herself, "I'm in trouble. Must use secret weapon." Tina begins to cry and scream, "WAAH!! WAAH!! Everybody hates me no matter what I do!!" Alice leans over her cubicle and says, "Thanks, that lowered the glass ceiling about a foot." Tina replies, "I plan to marry a rich guy."
Share April 13, 1999's comic on:
Phil drags Asok by his tie. Phil says, "Asok, come to my lair and I will teach you about reality." Asok and Phil stand by a dumpster. ASok says, "Your secret lair is a dumpster?" Phil says, "Get in" Asok and Phil sit in the middle of the trash in the dumpster. Asok says, "It's like my cubicle, but with much better lumbar support!" Phil eats a french fry and says, "French fry?"
Share June 03, 1999's comic on:
Caption "Catbert: evil h.r. director" Catbert looks into Asok's cubicle. Catbert says, "Asok, you have taken too many training classes." Asok says, "Too many?" Catbert says, "You're too skilled now. There's a risk you'll leave for a better job." Asok stands blind folded. Catbert holds a huge hammer above his head. Asok says, "Does the "secret untraining method' work every time?" Catbert says, "I've never tried it before."
Share February 19, 2000's comic on:
Asok the intern is at Wally's cubicle. He tells Wally: "I created a prison Morse code so we can communicate during the day." Asok continues: "Tap your secret messages on the cubicle wall." Wally begins to tap a message to Asok. Asok decodes the message: "I S E N T Y O U E M A I L."
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Dilbert is in the boss' office. The boss says, "Make your report consistent with our strategic plan." Dilbert says, "What's out strategic plan?" The boss says, "It's a secret." Dilbert says, "Are you saying you don't trust me?" The boss says, "I don't think it's a coincidence that most employee sabotage is done by employees." Dilbert says, "How can I do my report if I don't know the strategy?! The boss says, "Okay, okay. I'll let you glance at it." The boss pulls a piece of paper out of his desk. The boss barely lets Dilbert see the paper. The boss says, "Time's up! That's long enough!" Dilbert says, "That's the warranty for your chair." The boss says, "Really? I've been managing to this for years."
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The Boss ties a blindfold over Alice's eyes and says, "No one knows the secret location of the Management Training Facility." The Boss leads the blindfolded Alice as Alice says, "If no one knows where it is, how do we get there?" Alice is sitting blindfolded in a car. The Boss is sitting in the driver's seat, also blindfolded. The Boss says, "This part can get loud."
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Headline: Stock Market Expert. Dogbert is seen through a TV screen. He says, "If your core holding is a falling knife, you can dollar cost average through the dead cat bounce." A man is watching TV on his couch. Dogbert's voice continues, "My secret economic model says you should change your cash allocation from 12.4% to 12.3%." Dogbert and the TV interviewer are seen through a spilt screen on the TV. Dogbert says, "My new book is, 'If you aren't churning, you aren't learning." The interviewer replies, "Don't come back."