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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 1999's comic on:


Tags #how to book, #teach people, #winning lottery numbers, #find free real estate, #lose weight, #tubs of ice cream, #strong abs, #see angels, #near death experience, #get rid witnesses

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Dogbert sits at Dilberts computer. Dilbert stands in a robe with a cup of coffee. Dogbert says, "I'm writing a comprehensive "how to" book." Dogbert says, "In chapter one, I teach people how to pick winning lottery numbers." Dogbert says, "Chapter two: How to find free real estate in very nice neighborhoods." Dogbert says, "Chapter three: how to lose weight by eating huge tubs of ice cream." Dogbert says, "Chapter four: how to build strong abs by joining a gym and never going." Dogbert says, "Finally, how to see angels by giving yourself a near death experience." Dogbert says, "That last one is just to get rid of all the witnesses." Dilbert thinks, "On the plus side I don't feel so bad about not recycling."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 2011's comic on:


Tags #annoyance, #computers & peripherals, #office equipment, #servers down, #holdup, #iterated by idiot, #guard door, #don't see guy

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Boss: The servers are down. Dilbert: I know. Boss: You should do something about it. Dilbert: I'm trying. Boss: What's the holdup? Dilbert: I keep getting interrupted by an unhelpful idiot. Boss: Maybe I can help. I'll guard your doorway and keep that guy away from you. This is boring. And I don't see that guy. Have I managed enough for now? Dilbert: You nailed it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 18, 1999's comic on:


Tags #hiding nametag, #fake babies, #see name, #start fliting, #babies, #third fake baby, #still hides name

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Dilbert is at the checkout counter of clothes store. The cashier has her hand over her name tag. Dilbert thinks, "She's hiding her name tag so I won't get friendly with her." dilbert reaches into a sack and thinks, "I'll toss these fake babies in the air. When she catches them, I'll see her name and start flirting." The cashier catches one baby, the other lands on her head as her hand remains on her name tag. Dilbert thinks, "Dang! I knew I should have brought a third fake baby."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 01, 2000's comic on:


Tags #bait and switch, #assisting eddie, #never see again

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The boss, Wally, Dilbert and a new consultant are in a meeting. The boss says: "I hired the "Bait and Switch" consulting group because they're so smart." The consultant says to the boss while introducing him to a very messy looking man: "I'm assigning Eddie to work on your account. You will never see me again." Eddie sits in front of the boss and says: "So, what is it that you do here?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 2000's comic on:


Tags #turn invisible, #run silent, #make descions, #can't see

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The Boss thinks to himself as Alice approaches, "If I could turn invisible, I wouldn't need to make decisions." The Boss continues to think, "Invisible...invisible...you can't see me." Alice says to the Boss, "I guess we're done." The Boss thinks to himself, "Run silent."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 2000's comic on:


Tags #two faced, #employee, #see one, #turn around, #other faces, #confusing, #frustrating, #pointing

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Edfred: I disagree with Dilbert. The boss's plan is brilliant. Dilbert: Your other face agreed with me two minutes ago! What other face? No...I still just see the one.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 12, 2001's comic on:


Tags #pristine beauty, #elbonia, #see first, #protestors, #stop drilling signs, #protesting drilling, #beauty

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The boss is facing protesters who are carrying signs with a peace sign and a slogan, "Stop Drilling." A protester says, "You're ruining the pristine beauty of Elbonia!" The boss holds up a picture of a barren tree. The boss says, "This is a picture of pristine Elbonia." The protesters are putting the signs in the trunk of a car. A female protester says, "..And then you said, 'It doesn't matter if we see it first.' Then I said..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 2002's comic on:


Tags #demo, #good sale, #sales training, #see coming, #selling, #sucker, #victim, #wedgie, #gullible

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Headline: Sales Training. The speaker points to a picture of an overly smiley man. He says, "Don't act like you're selling something." The speaker points to a picture of a man getting a wedgie. He says, "A good sale is like a good wedgie. Your victim shouldn't see it coming." The speaker continues, "For this next demonstration I need a volunteer who can't see what's coming." The man next to Dilbert raises his hand.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 18, 2004's comic on:


Tags #submit, #resume, #misguided optimism, #human will see resume, #email parents

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Click Submit" to post your resume on the jobs web site." "Now sit back and enjoy the misguided optimism that someday a human being will see it." "Be sure to tell your parents that you looked for a job today." "I'll e-mail them."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 24, 2004's comic on:


Tags #marketing needs volunteers, #ads stimulate, #people brains, #cat scan, #see coming

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"Marketing needs volunteers for a study about how our ads stimulate people's brains." "Who among us would like to get a cat scan?" "Okay, seriously, who didn't see this coming?"