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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 25, 1997's comic on:


Tags #seeing beautiful woman, #curtains, #venetian blinds, #lawn chair in yard

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Wally says to Dilbert, "I've been seeing a beautiful woman. But something came between us." Dilbert says, "Her curtains?" Wally says, "Venetian blinds. Totally unforgiving." Dilbert says, "Maybe she got spooked when you put the lawn chair in her yard."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 24, 2001's comic on:


Tags #dating beautiful woman, #Advice, #garbageman, #exciting, #mysterious, #delightful, #like fresh garbage, #compost

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Dilbert is handing his trash to The Garbageman. Dilbert says, "I'm dating a beautiful woman. Do you have any advice?" The Garbageman stuffs the trash into the can and responds, "A beautiful woman is like a heap of fresh garbag: exciting, mysterious, and delightful." Dilbert asks, "Do you have any advice that doesn't compare my girlfriend to garbage?" The Garbageman replies, "How about compost?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 23, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #woman, #dream, #phone number

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table drinking coffee. Dilbert says, "I'm so mad at myself this morning." Dilbert continues, "Last night I dreamed I met a beautiful woman." Dogbert asks, "So what's the problem?" Dilbert replies, "I forgot to get her phone number."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 21, 1989's comic on:


Tags #date, #honesty, #love & dating

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the desk. Dilbert writes, "Single, dumpy and dull male seeks young and beautiful woman for romance." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "The key to writing a successful 'personals' ad is honesty . . . Complete and total honesty." Dogbert asks, "What species are you targeting?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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We can't start designing the product until someone tells us what features it should have. "That's like saying you can't play on the beach until you know how many grains of sand there are." "Um...I don't think it's very much like that." "Analogy police. Come with me." "Are you taking me to jail for making a bad analogy?" "The analogy police don't use a real jail. We use something similar." "You'll be here with this beautiful woman." "Really? That's not so bad." "She's the one being punished." "Your necktie is like Hitler at an ice rink."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 1994's comic on:


Tags #opposites attract, #beautiful women, #drawing power, #women love pose, #intellectually staimulating

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Dogbert: "You're unsuccessful in love because you keep forgetting opposites attract." Dogbert: "Logically, the woman who would be most attracted to you are beautiful and intellectually stimulating." Dilbert: "You're right. I've been underestimating my drawing power." Dogbert: "And women love it when you pose like this for them."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #butterfly, #bug, #flying, #much, #now, #kill, #flatten, #becomes, #beautiful, #work, #art, #guts, #wings, #evenly, #spaced, #ants, #pants, #mother, #nature, #standing, #resist

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit in the bushes. Dilbert points and says, "Look! A beautiful Regency butterfly!" Dogbert says, "Beautiful?? It's a flying BUG." Dilbert says, "It may not seem like much now . . ." Dilbert continues, "But after we kill it, dip it in chemicals, and flatten it between glass, it becomes a beautiful work of art!" Dogbert asks, "Do we throw away the bug guts and just keep the wings?" Dilbert replies, "No. The guts keep the wings evenly spaced." Dilbert screams and yells, "Ants in my pants!!" He jumps out of the bushes. As Dilbert runs away, a woman comes out of the bushes. Dogbert says, "Mother Nature!" Mother Nature says, "He was standing right on an anthill. I couldn't resist."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #violence, #beautiful, #Dilbert, #conquer, #butter knife

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert says, "I've been thinking how wonderful it would be if all people renounced violence forever." Dilbert turns around and says, "That's a beautiful thought, Dogbert." Dogbert says as he walks away, "If nobody else was violent, I could conquer the whole stupid planet with just a butter knife."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 25, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Kids, #adults, #woman, #cooties, #faking it

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Dilbert walks down the hall thinking, "Sometimes I feel like a kid in an adult's body, hoping nobody notices." Dilbert thinks, "It's as if I stopped maturing and just started faking it after age fourteen." Dilbert passes a woman and thinks, "I'll bet women never feel that way." The woman thinks, "Cooties."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 06, 1989's comic on:


Tags #love & dating, #Dilbert, #poem, #woman, #love, #legs

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Dilbert sits at his desk writing and Dogbert watches him. Dilbert says, "I'm writing a poem for a woman I just met. Women love poems." Dilbert reads the poem entitled, "Your Legs." Dilbert reads, "How wonderful your legs are, / You can even ask my mutt . . ." Dilbert continues to read, "'Cause if you didn't have 'em, / the ground would hit your butt."