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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 06, 2008's comic on:


Tags #economy, #sarcasm, #smart

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The boss: We need to be twice as smart to survive this economy. Dilbert: Good plan. I look forward to spontaneously developing an I.Q. of 400. The boss: This pep talk totally worked in marketing. Dilbert: Will I be able to see the future?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #employee satisfaction, #chart, #point, #fire, #smart people, #stupid, #celebrate

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The Boss says, "Employee satisfaction has doubled since last year!" The Boss says, "The credit goes to our new program of firing smart people." Alice says, "You're safe." Coworker says, "Yeff!!!"

Wally Won't Oversupply Wisdom

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Wally Won't Oversupply Wisdom - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 2015's comic on:


Tags #economist, #Promotion, #jargon, #babble, #deception, #smart people, #obliviousness

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Boss: Our CEO wants to promote you to Chief Economist because nothing you say makes sense. He thinks that's the sign of a great economist. Wally: It totally is. Boss: Say something smart. Wally: Whoa! I don't want to create an oversupply of wisdom.

Wally's Slap App

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Wally's Slap App - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 2015's comic on:


Tags #app, #slap, #anger, #violence, #smart watch, #invention

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Wally: I created an app for our smart watch that makes the user's hand slap people. Boss: Who would want... Wally: Your eyes say I should pivot.

Health Sensor Predictes Death

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Health Sensor Predictes Death - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 13, 2015's comic on:


Tags #invention, #success, #technology, #health monitor, #fitbit, #smart watch, #heart, #heart rate, #death

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Ted: The health sensors you built into our smart watch prototype aren't working. According to your stupid sensors, my heart is going to stop beating in... Dilbert: Yay me!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 15, 2015's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #dying, #death, #health, #health tracker, #heart rate monitor, #ads, #scare, #fitbit, #smart watch

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Boss: The health sensors and predictive algorithms you built into our smart watch are too good. People are freaked out because it sends alerts to their phones when they have five minutes left to live. Dilbert: Isn't that useful? Boss: It was, until we started sending paid ads as alerts.

The Smart Plans

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The Smart Plans - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 18, 2015's comic on:


Tags #insult, #honesty, #candor, #label, #semantics, #politeness

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Dilbert: I compared your plan to a few alternatives. Boss: Let's not label the other plans "the smart ones." Dilbert: Do you want anything else mislabeled?

Simplify The Slide

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Simplify The Slide - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 26, 2016's comic on:


Tags #intelligence, #insult, #smart, #dumb, #powerpoint, #guest artist, #joel friday

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Boss: You need to simplify that slide. Dilbert: Did you understand it? Boss: Yes. Dilbert: Then why do you think smart people will be confused? Boss: I can't tell if that was an insult. Dilbert: Ask a smart person.

Smart People Are On Both Sides

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Smart People Are On Both Sides - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 30, 2016's comic on:


Tags #Politics, #intelligence, #appearances, #perspective

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Dilbert: Have you ever noticed that there are smart people on both sides of every political issue? Boss: Maybe it only seems that way to you because you're not one of the smart ones. Dilbert: Do I seem smart? Wally: I didn't realize you were trying.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 03, 2011's comic on:


Tags #interviews, #executives

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Dogbert says, "I don't like people." Dogbert says, "What makes your company so profitable?" CEO says, "I give all of the credit to our fine employees." Dogbert says, "Is that another way of saying you're overpaid and useless?" CEO says, "Um... no. I'm their leader. I set the direction." Dogbert says, "Because the employees are too dumb to set their own direction?" CEO says, "No! They're smart!" Dogbert says, "But not as smart as you?" CEO says, "Who's going to see this?" Dogbert says, "No one, assuming you're the highest bidder." Dogbert's CEO Interview Series