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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 11, 1998's comic on:


Tags #consulting job, #wealthy, #cuter, #spreading disease, #dilbert and rat

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Ratbert stands on Dilbert's desk. Ratbert says, "Thanks to my consulting job, I'm wealthier than you." Dilbert looks mad. Ratbert says, "And I'm cuter, obviously. The only thing left is personality." Dilbert says, "Shouldn't you be spreading disease somewhere?" Ratbert says, "Three for three! Yes!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 03, 2003's comic on:


Tags #reporter, #dump garbage inparks, #20 years, #spreading, #secret

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Carol approaches The Boss and says, "A reporter wants to see you." Carol continues, "He claims we've been delivering all of our garbage to the local park for twenty years." Carol asks, "How is that even possible?" The Boss replies, "The secret is in the spreading."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 15, 2007's comic on:


Tags #spreading rumors, #make me quit, #false rumors, #actual facts, #poacher, #endangered species

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Keith: Alice is spreading false rumors about me. She's trying to make me quit. Catbert: "At this company we don't get all anal about the difference between false rumors and actual facts." Keith: "That's not fair!" Catbert: "Said the alleged poacher of endangered species."

Spreading Ted's Ashes

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Spreading Ted's Ashes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 31, 2016's comic on:


Tags #apathy, #ashes, #cremation, #death, #spreading, #toilet, #medical

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Alice: Ted's widow asked us to spread his ashes around the office because he loved his job. Wally: I'll do it. Alice: You didn't like Ted. Wally: Was that a requirement? Alice: Don't let anyone see you flush it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 22, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #sleep, #grape, #jelly, #remedies

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Dilbert, who is wearing his bathrobe, says, "Dogbert, I can't sleep . . . Do you know any folk remedies?" Dogbert replies, "I recommend spreading grape jelly on your torso and slapping your forehead against an overripe cantaloupe." Dogbert sits on the hassock watching television. He hears slapping in the other room and thinks, "This must be how all folk remedies get started."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 16, 2008's comic on:


Tags #baby eater, #gossipsize, #vicious rumors, #taken down, #pushed out, #mean spirited

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Catbert says, "Ted, I've decided to gossipsize you." Catbert says, "I'm spreading vicious rumors about you until you feel compelled to quit." Ted says, "People are too smart to..." Someone says, "PIPE DOWN, BABY EATER!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 17, 2008's comic on:


Tags #gossip, #spreading rumors, #monkey could do, #corporate newsletter, #trick question

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Carol says, "I heard a rumor that you think a monkey could do my job." Carol says, "Do you think a monkey could fling this corporate newsletter at your head?" Carol says, "Unh!!!" Ted says, "Is this a trick question?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 2008's comic on:


Tags #brilliant ideas, #carnage, #honesty, #ignorance, #ludicrous ideas, #mean spirited, #mistaken self image, #roll eyes, #share project, #verbally demolish

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Alice, I'm hoping we can work together on this project in the spirit of cooperation. I'll have some ideas, and you'll have some ideas, and together we can pick the best ones. Alice: Sure, that's one approach. But I prefer to exhale deeply and roll my eyes while you prattle. Then I will verbally demolish your ludicrous ideas, and dismantle your mistaken self-image as a competent man. The carnage will create a striking contrast for the warm, clear glow of my brilliant ideas. Later, I will round out the package by spreading amusing stories about how ignorant you are. Is there any chance of doing it my way? Alice: Now watch the eyes."

Who Alan Works For

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 Who Alan Works For - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 13, 2016's comic on:


Tags #threat, #motivation, #fear, #work ethic

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Alice: If you do what I tell you to do, I will nominate you for employee of the year. If not, I will spend the rest of my days spreading rumors about you. Terrible, terrible rumors. Dilbert: Hey, Alan. Who do you work for these days? Alan: Whoever scares me the most.

Faking Their Own Deaths

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Faking Their Own Deaths - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 09, 2017's comic on:


Tags #managers, #distraction, #subversion, #alias, #espionage, #hiding, #productivity

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Dilbert: My job as the team scrum for our agile methodology is to remove distractions so you can work. I've created fake identities for each of us, and I'll be spreading the rumor that we all died. Carol: I heard they all died. Boss: Nice try. I will find them!