Search Results for "square footage"
Share January 07, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his desk thinking, "Why do I have a feeling of impending doom?" The Boss peeks into Dilbert's cubicle. The Boss says, "Good news!" Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." The Boss says, "You won't have to spend another lonely day in this tiny cubicle." Dilbert asks, "I'm getting an office?" The Boss replies, "Better! You're getting a roommate!" Dilbert shouts, "Why??? We've got plenty of empty cubicles! Our company owns the whole building!" The Boss says, "The finance department charges my budget for the square footage we use." Dilbert looks over the cubicle wall and says to the Boss, "It's a false savings! You're hurting the company!" The Boss walks away thinking, "All I hear is a faint buzzing." Dilbert sits at his desk thinking, "Oh, well. How bad could it be?" A man wearing a cowboy hat and carrying a can of beans and a radio says, "I hope you like baked beans and square-dancing as much as I do!"
Share May 05, 1996's comic on:
The Boss tells Dilbert, "I need to move you one cubicle down." Dilbert asks, "Why?" The Boss replies, "That way my people will still be in a square pattern." The Boss explains, "You're in a random pattern now. The symmetry is bad." Dilbert says, "You want me to waste two days of work to move . . ." Dilbert continues, "I'll have no phone and no network connection for a week . . ." Dilbert continues, "I'll have to order new business cards and update my cubicle address on dozens of records." Dilbert continues, "And you still won't have a SQUARE because there are FIVE of us." A man stands in the door of Dilbert's cubicle holding a box. He tells Dilbert, "I got downsized. Apparently somebody complained that I formed a pentagon." Dilbert replies, "That can happen."
Share January 11, 1998's comic on:
The Boss says to Wally, "Wally, this is Rex Tangle, our newest employee." Rex is completely square, with flat sides to his head and torso. The Boss says, "Rex was specially bred to work in a cubicle." Wally says, "Looks like he'll fit right in." The Boss says, "Ask him about his personal life." Wally says, "Rex, how's your personal life?" Rex says, "I don't have one. That would be like stealing from the company." A little heart showing love floats above The Boss's head. Wally and Rex walk off. Wally asks, "So, do you eat lunch?" Rex says, "I would enjoy a good square meal." Dilbert and alice are sitting in the company cafeteria eating their lunches. Wally says, "Meet the future." Rex says, "Hello, you round pegs!"
Share September 09, 1999's comic on:
Dilbert stands in the boss' office. Dilbert says, "I found some numbers that support your strategic plan." Dilbert looks at a piece of paper and says, "I had to take the square root of a negative number to do it." Dilbert says, "The timeline is on the mobius strip." The boss says, "Good work."
Share September 04, 2012's comic on:
Boss: I don't have a budget for the network monitoring software you need, so you'll have to write it yourself. Dilbert: Good plan. I'll check back with you when I'm done doing that. What's your calendar look like in the year 2040? Boss: Sort of a grid with square boxes.
Share April 19, 2010's comic on:
The Boss says, "How long will it take to fix the bugs in our control management software?" Dilbert says, "Do you want a realistic estimate that will ruin your day, or a lie that will allow your ignorance and your happiness to lock arms and square dance to the next cubicle?" The Boss says, "That second option sounds festive." Dilbert says, "I'm a pleaser."
Share January 31, 1992's comic on:
Dogbert sits across from a man at a desk. The man, who is wearing a plaid shirt and a cowboy hat, says, "I was skeptical about hiring a dog as our new square-dance caller, but your resume is impressive." The man continues, "I didn't even know you could win a Pulitzer Prize for square-dance calling." The man continues, "Wow! And you're already in the Alberdeen Hall of Dung!"
Share February 01, 1992's comic on:
Dogbert stands on a stage holding a microphone and saying, "Swing your partner, dosey-do. Now clap your hands . . ." On the dance floor, people are square dancing. Dogbert thinks, "Uh-oh, that's all the square dance moves I know . . . I'll bluff the rest." Dogbert says, "Slap your partner in the face, / Write bad checks all over the place, / Flirt with strangers, annoy your spouse, / Get a divorce and lose your house . . . Uh . . . dosey-do."
Share November 09, 1995's comic on:
The caption says, "Saint Dogbert enters the Land of Cubicles searching for the demons of stupidity." Dogbert walks down the hall wearing a bishop's miter and holding a scepter. The caption says, "Suddenly he finds an over-promoted computer guru spouting useless database concepts." A man sits at a conference table with two glassy-eyed co-workers. The man says, "You'd be fools to ignore the boolean anti-binary least-square approach." The caption says, "The monster is dispatched to the dark world by the sight of its most feared object." Dogbert stands on the conference table holding a document in front of the man. Dogbert says, "Look! Actual code!" The man's head melts into his shirt and a co-worker says, "Cool!"
Share September 10, 1989's comic on:
Dogbert sits at the table reading a book. Dilbert says, "You've been reading that World Almanac for hours." Dogbert replies, "I'm looking for nations I can conquer on a limited budget." Dogbert says, "Here's one: 'Andorra. 185 square miles. Only 56,000 people. Joint rule by France and Spain . . .'" Dogbert says, "Hmm . . . 'King Dogbert of Andorra' has a nice ring to it. Now I just need some mercenaries." Dilbert asks, "How are you going to pay for mercenaries?" Dogbert replies, "I'll float some junk bonds until we can loot the treasury of Andorra." Dilbert says, "It strikes me as a bit unethical." Dogbert says, "Apparently I'll have to imprison some dissidents."