Search Results for "stand on bed"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 09, 1993's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in front of the dresser mirror tying his tie and Dogbert sits on the bed. Dilbert says, "I have to give a speech to the 'Society of Engineers' today . . . I'm a bit nervous." Dogbert replies, "Sometimes you can relax by imagining the audience is naked." Dogbert's ears stand straight up and he says, "Whoa! Cancel that. I just pictured four hundred naked engineers." Dilbert's tie crumples and he says, "Too late."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 1991's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

The strip is titled, "Dogbert's guide to your tax dollars." A vacuum cleaner sucks up dollar bills. Dogbert says, "Did you ever wonder how all that tax money gets spent? Roll the tape." The caption says, "Inventing secret things." Two scientists look at a device. One of them says, "It doesn't look like much, but it'll smart like crazy if you sit on it." The caption says, "Sending secret things into space." The other scientist says, "Maybe we'd better classify it secret and send it into space with the other stuff." The caption says, "Education." A teacher says, "Sex will kill you, food will kill you, smoking will kill you, alcohol will kill you, drugs will kill you . . ." The children sitting at their school desks look frightened. The caption says, "Art grants for things you aren't open-minded enough to appreciate." Dilbert looks at a shoe sitting on a pedestal. The artist says, "I call it 'The Bug I Hated.'" The caption says, "Advanced health care." Two doctors stand next to a bed where a skeleton lies. One physician says, "You were right, Benson. X-rays and microwaves are not the same thing." The caption says, "Paying Congress." A senator says, "Our raises came through!" Another says, "I think I'll send myself a thank-you note!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 28, 2010's comic on:


Tags #pants, #hole, #favorite, #plan b, #idea, #stand on bed, #surprise, #arms out, #pants witness tracking app, #cell phone, #picture, #walk to work, #lots of holes, #take photo

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says, "Your pants have a tiny hole." Dilbert says, "These are my favorite pants!" Dilbert says, "I'll have to go with plan B." Dogbert says, "Wear other pants?" Dilbert says, "That's crazy talk." Dilbert says, "I'll wear these and act as if the hole just happened." Dilbert says, "Everyone knows you can't go home and change in the middle of the day." Dilbert says, "I'll use a pants witness tracking application on my phone to keep track of who has seen the hole." Dilbert thinks, "If I play my cards right, I can get two or three more wearings out of my favorite pants." Wally says, "All of this just happened." Dilbert says, "Same here."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 17, 2011's comic on:


Tags #office buildings, #work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina says, "Your new cubicles will be a color called 'death eater gray.'" Tina says, "The fabric is a soul sponge that will absorb your happiness if you stand hear it." The Boss says, "How'd the meeting go?" Tina says, "Well, you know, fear of the unknown." Office Relocation

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 01, 2011's comic on:


Tags #computers & peripherals, #internet & world wide web, #actions & defenses

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Dogbert is chairing the international data security standards group. Dogbert: The goal of our organizations is to make your security procedures so inconvenient that you give up hope and die from bed sores. We take pride in being independent from the companies that fund us.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 15, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anger, #debates

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I've decided to become more aggressive in blaming others for my lack of success. For example, you're keeping me from working right now. Dilbert: No I'm not. Wally: I DON'T HAVE TIME TO STAND HERE AND ARGUE WITH YOU ALL DAY!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 18, 2011's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #discussion

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: ... then we can do the load testing and... Boss: I'm invoking the right of imperious interruptus. In layman's terms, it is the right of all bosses to hijack the conversations of subordinates. I will now turn my back to you and speak with Alice as if you don't exist. Do not leave. Do not chime in, just awkwardly stand there. CEO: Imperious interruptus! Behold my power to make two underlings stand awkwardly while I hijack this conversation! Have you heard my speech about how we're not level conscious at this company?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 06, 2011's comic on:


Tags #suspicion, #interviews

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I researched your personal brand online. Man: My what? Boss: I looked at your blog, your Tweets, an your Facebook page. I Googled your name and followed every link. I checked your credit, criminal record, school transcripts, and references. But that's just the external stuff. Man: Exactly. It's my attitude that counts! Boss: No. I mean I also have the results of your urine test. Oh, and apparently some of your sample landed in a DNA test kit. And that tanning bed you used last week was actually an MRI. How's your attitude now? Man: Harder to fake.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anger, #annoyance

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Wally: Were you hanging from the bottom with your wings wrapped around your body? That was funnier inside my head.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 20, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #office workers, #presentation

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in front of the dresser mirror tying his tie and Dogbert sits on the bed watching him. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I'm really nervous about this presentation for the Big Boss. Got any tips for me?" Dogbert replies, "Remember to bring a bunch of coins to jangle self-consciously in your pockets." Dogbert continues, ". . . Avoid eye contact and don't pause to explain your acronyms." Dilbert says, "I wish I could tell when you're kidding."