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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 2011's comic on:


Tags #boredom, #despair, #subject matter expert, #judging book

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Man: Everyone, this is Wally. He's our subject matter expert. Voices: Groan. Uh-oh. Sheesh. Oh well. Ugh. Wally: People are better than you'd think at judging a book by its cover.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 04, 1996's comic on:


Tags #new corporate trainer, #teach classes, #stress reduction, #teamwork, #burn in hell, #filthy weasel, #hired you, #subject matter expert

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Someone behind a desk tells Ratbert, "I'm looking for a new corporate trainer to help me teach classes in stress reduction, conflict resolution, and teamwork." Ratbert yells, "I'll burn in hell before I'll do your work plus my own, you filthy weasel!!!" Dilbert asks, "And they hired you?" Ratbert replies, "A good trainer doesn't have to be a subject matter expert."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 09, 2005's comic on:


Tags #worthless, #subject matter expert, #narrow field, #vague field

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Wally: "People think I'm worthless, but in fact I'm a subject-matter expert in a very narrow field." "It's so narrow that it requires no knowledge whatsoever." Dilbert: "What field is it?" Wally: "There's no way to know for sure."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 19, 2002's comic on:


Tags #accounting system, #accounting troll, #groupies, #worse place, #finance troll, #project

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Dilbert says to an accounting troll, "I need you to be a subject matter expert on my accounting system project." The troll asks, "Will it make the world a worse place to live?" Dilbert replies, "I think so." The troll continues, "I'm in." Dilbert asks, "What's it like to be an accounting troll?" The troll responds, "To be honest, I'm only in it for the groupies."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 10, 2008's comic on:


Tags #time management expert, #evaluation, #curing cancer, #extra hours, #increase chances

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Dogbert the Time Management Expert. Dogbert says, "I can tell by looking at you that it doesn't matter what you do with your time." Dogbert says, "I don't think you'll be curing cancer if I give you a few extra hours per week." Dogbert says, "In fact, it would probably increase your chances of getting it." A man says, "Are we done? I need a smoke?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 03, 2011's comic on:


Tags #questioning, #shopping, #hardware, #powerpoint deck, #boss, #ambiguity, #mumbling, #change subject, #badger for answer, #too many questions

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Dilbert: Can you look at this bid and let me know if I can order the hardware? Boss: yes. Dilbert: Are you saying yes I can order the hardware, or yes you'll look at it? Boss: Mumble mumble. Dilbert: What? Boss: I need your input on my Powerpoint deck. Dilbert: So far, in response to my request, you've given me ambiguity, mumbling, and a change of subject. Would you prefer that I badger you for an answer until you get angry, or should I return to my cubicle and resume being ineffective? Boss: You ask too many questions.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 14, 1994's comic on:


Tags #bad schdeuling, #careless, #company cares, #last tuesday, #long hours, #missed out, #stress on workers, #stress redcution expert, #stressful, #talk at lunch, #too late

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"The company cares deeply about the effects of long hours and stress on workers." "So they're paying nearly $200 to have an expert on stress-reduction give a talk during lunch." "Just when you think they don't care, something like this comes along." "It's scheduled for lst Tuesday."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 1994's comic on:


Tags #confidential, #ethics offcie, #weasel boy, #ethics expert

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The Boss: "The company hired an ethics expert to help us through the gray areas." "Your calls to the ethics office are completely confidential." Dogbert: "Thanks for sharing that. I own you now, Weasel-boy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 1999's comic on:


Tags #new ceo, #turnaround expert, #pleasure to meet, #business process, #value based, #management method

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Alice, the boss, Wally, Asok and a new guy with big sharp teeth and horns on his head are in a meeting. The new guy looks like the devil. The boss directs evryone's attention to him and says, "This our new CEO. He has a reputation as a turnaround expert." Asok says, "It is a pleasure to meet you. Do you favor TQM or more of a business process approach?" The new guy replies, "I'm partial to the value-based management method." Asok says, "I'm not familiar with that one."

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Share December 20, 1999's comic on:


Tags #observe vp, #duck blind, #cubicle material, #subject flossing

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The boss and Asok are sitting and facing each other. The boss says: "Asok, I want you to observe our VP so we can figure out what our priorities are." The boss tells Asok :We've built a duck blind in his office using cubicle material." Asok is hiding in the duck blind covered with leaves at the top. The V.P. is at his desk flossing his teeth. Asok thinks: "10:28 A.M., the subject is flossing."