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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 07, 1997's comic on:


Tags #despotic nations, #software license, #submit strip searches, #opening package

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Dilbert sits at his desk and reads the back of an envelope. He reads, "Software Licence: By opening this package you agree . . ." Dilbert reads, ". . . You will not make copies or export to despotic nations. You will submit to strip searches in your home . . ." Dilbert rips open the package. A large woman with a flashlight in her belt enters the room. She says, "Frankly, both of us would have been happier if you had just walked away."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 02, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #rivers and trees, #management, #creativity, #exercise, #task, #commercial, #airport, #landing, #strip, #leaf, #dead, #bee, #voted, #design, #construction

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An instructor says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "Next, we have a creativity exercise." The instructor continues, "Your task is to build a commercial airport landing strip using nothing but a leaf and a dead bee." Wally says to Dilbert, "Look, we already voted. WE'RE design and YOU'RE construction." The instructor looks at his watch and says, "Time."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 24, 1998's comic on:


Tags #speaks with author, #Comic Strip, #burned out, #funny everyday, #books, #media, #speaking, #book signing, #Entertainment

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Caption: "At the conference" Dilbert gets the cartoonist signing line. He tells cartoonist, "I liked your talk about your comic strip. Do you fell burned out?" Cartoonist hands signed book back to Dilbert who says, "You have to be funny every day. Then there are the books, the media, the speaking. So much stress.." Cartoonist has now run off.. People behind Dilbert are aannoyed. Dilbert says, "Oops."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 18, 1998's comic on:


Tags #Comic Strip, #Dogbert, #pippy the ziphead, #artwork, #one joke, #reader, #cram art

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Dilbert stands next to Dogbert while he sits at a table drawing. Dogbert says, "I'm creating a comic strip called 'Pippy the Ziphead.'" Dogbert continues, "I'm cramming as much artwork in there as possible, so no one will notice there's only one joke." Dilbert sits next to Dogbert, peruses the cartoon and says, "The joke is on the reader, isn't it?" Dogbert responds, "I'd better cram some more art in there."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 1998's comic on:


Tags #strip on nose, #oxygen to brain, #interesting conversationalist, #not optimistic, #anti snoring device

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the couch. Dogbert says, "Put this strip on your nose to get more oxygen to your brain." Dogbert hands Dilbert a strip. Dilbert puts the strip on his nose. Dogbert says, "I'm hoping it will make you a more interesting conversationalist." Dilbert says, "How 'bout that?" The strip is hanging off the end of Dilbert's nose. Dogbert says, "I'm no longer optimistic."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 09, 1999's comic on:


Tags #negative number, #square root, #strategic plan, #timeline, #mobius strip

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Dilbert stands in the boss' office. Dilbert says, "I found some numbers that support your strategic plan." Dilbert looks at a piece of paper and says, "I had to take the square root of a negative number to do it." Dilbert says, "The timeline is on the mobius strip." The boss says, "Good work."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 1998's comic on:


Tags #document prcedures, #requirement, #engineers, #submit time cards, #magic cylinder, #trash can, #gone by morning, #five years, #no one complained

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Dilbert approaches Carol and says, "I need to document your procedures. It's an ISO 9000 requirement." Dilbert starts writing as he asks, "So...the engineers submit their time cards and then you do what?" Carol points to her desk and says, "I put them in a pile until I'm sure that they're all here." Carol points under her desk and continues, "Then I move them to the magic cylinder." Dibert asks, "The trash can?" Carol answers, "No, it's a magic cylinder. I put my work in there and by morning it's gone." Dilbert says, "I've been giving you my time card for five years." Carol responds, "No one has complained yet." Dilbert walks away thinking, "After today, I am NOT rounding to the nearest fifteen minutes."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 29, 2000's comic on:


Tags #cpr, #take kidney, #leave in ice, #strip him, #save him

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Dilbert, Catbert and The Boss look at Asok the Intern's legs sticking straight up in the air. Dilbert asks, "Asok is down. Does anyone know CPR?" The Boss says to Dilbert, "Is CPR the one where we take his kidney and leave him in a tub of ice?" Dilbert says to The Boss, "Um... I don't think so." The Boss says, "We'd better strip him and shave him just in case."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 18, 2004's comic on:


Tags #submit, #resume, #misguided optimism, #human will see resume, #email parents

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Click Submit" to post your resume on the jobs web site." "Now sit back and enjoy the misguided optimism that someday a human being will see it." "Be sure to tell your parents that you looked for a job today." "I'll e-mail them."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 22, 2007's comic on:


Tags #security consulatant, #without id, #badge, #strip search, #confiscate wallet, #lock him janitors closet, #extreme, #living on mop water

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Dogbert the security consultant Dogbert: "If you see someone without an ID badge..." "...Strip search him, confiscate his wallet, and lock him in the janitor's closet until he starves!" The boss: "That seems a bit extreme." Dogbert: "You're about one minute away from living on mop water."