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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 01, 2012's comic on:


Tags #gadgets, #office equipment, #swine, #information services, #upgraded network secuirty, #facila recognition, #temporary passwrod, #face, #extensive plastic surgery, #to log on

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Mordac: I am Mordac, the preventer of information services. Dilbert: I know. We've worked together for years. Mordac: And it still sounds awesome when I say it. Anyway, I up-graded our network security to include facial recognition. Your temporary password is this face. You'll need extensive plastic surgery to log on the first time. Dilbert: You've gone too far, Mordac! I will escalate this! Boss: I wish we'd had this conversation a week ago.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 14, 1994's comic on:


Tags #carpal tunnel, #health care, #money, #surgery, #constant agony, #false alarm

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Employee: So now I have carpal tunnel syndrome... The Boss: ZZZZ Employee: you don't care about the health of your employees! All you care about is money!! The Boss: money? Employee: I need surgery! Im in constant again!! The boss: False alarm. zzz

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 15, 1994's comic on:


Tags #carpal tunnel, #surgery, #carpool, #room in carpool, #permanent damges, #wear braces

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"I hear you need a carpool urgently." "No, I need 'carpal tunnel surgery'." "The repetitive motion of typing has caused permanent damage. I have to wear braces until the surgery." "There's no room in my carpool."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 2000's comic on:


Tags #casserole, #surgery, #ten year service party

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Carol enters Ted's cubicle and says, "Ted, your ten year service party will be on Tuesday." Ted replies, "I'm having surgery on Tuesday." Carol responds, "Maybe you could drop off a casserole on your way."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 10, 2002's comic on:


Tags #training cd, #brainwashed, #cuborg, #insurance, #cosmetic surgery, #jump off roof, #game system

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Asok is half cyborg. He sits on the doctor's table and says, "My training CD went bad and brainwashed me to become a cyborg." The doctor responds, "Your insurance doesn't cover cosmetic surgery but you can game the system by jumping off the roof." Asok is on the roof, standing next to a man with intensely large ears. The man says to Asok, "I hear that the follow-up visits don't get any easier."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 31, 2004's comic on:


Tags #dr. dogbert show, #plastic surgery addicts, #dinosaur, #shut up freak

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doctor dogcart show dogbert: My next guest cis addicted yo plastic surgery. Ive always liked the whole dinosaur look, so I just went for it. do you have some plainspoken advice for me Shut up , freak

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 27, 2005's comic on:


Tags #ceo, #limo, #miss pennington, #harold, #rat bert, #surgery

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Ratbert the CEO "Miss Pennington, have my driver fetch the limo." "My name isn't Miss Pennington. It's Harold." "And?" "Um...and...I'll have it legally changed to Miss Pennington so you won't be wrong." "Plus the surgery."

Robotic Hair Transplant

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Robotic Hair Transplant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 2017's comic on:


Tags #coffee, #conversation, #hair, #surgery

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Never go to a robotic hair transplant center on the same day they upgrade the software. Is that the surgery where they take hair from the back of your head and fill in the bald spot? That's how the old software worked. The new one didn't respect boundaries.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 23, 2011's comic on:


Tags #contracts, #lawyers, #surgery, #software server, #too confusing, #normal human, #comprehension, #cost eefective, #involve atorneys, #deal so small

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Dilbert says, "Your software services contract is too confusing for any normal human to comprehend." Dilbert says, "And it wouldn't be cost- effective to involve our attorneys for a deal so small." Dilbert says, "So I'll just take chance and sign it." Man says, "Doc... scrub in. I got the liver."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 21, 2012's comic on:


Tags #bluetooth, #bluetooth headset, #cyborg, #doctors, #ear, #full human, #happiness, #intraocular lenses, #inventions, #pill form, #powered by chemistry, #streaming video, #surgically enbed, #vision correction, #dentits, #special surgery

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Dilbert: I know I'd be happier as a cyborg than a full human. I want you to surgically embed a bluetooth headset in my ear, powered by my own body chemistry. And I'd like intra-ocular lenses with vision correction and streaming video over bluetooth. Doctor: Happiness only comes in pill form.