Search Results for "take"
Share February 14, 2011's comic on:
CEO MONKEY: The media is asking if you'll take the pledge to give your fortune to charity. CEO: That pledge is for billionaires! I only have $200 million to leave to my heir! On a semi-relayted notem find out who keep putting monkey DNA in my clones test tube.
Share March 15, 2011's comic on:
Coworker says, "I thought of your idea a year ago and rejected it for being impractical." Dilbert says, "Did you just take credit for my idea and diss it at the same time?" Coworker says, "Thanks for noticing." The Boss says, "He also cleverly implied that you're a moron." Coworker says, "It feels good to be appreciated!"
Share August 22, 2011's comic on:
Share October 27, 2011's comic on:
CEO: I will prove our industrial sludge is safe by forcing an intern to drink a glass of it. Voice: That's stupid. We want to see you drink it yourself. CEO: See if you can reach that guy in the second row with a spit take.
Share January 31, 2013's comic on:
CEO: Our machine learning technology allows us to track customer preferences and use that knowledge to manipulate them. Dilbert: That seems like the step that happens right before the machines take over the earth and annihilate all humans. CEO: There's always one person in every crowd who says that. Dilbert: Not for much longer, apparently.
Share March 04, 2013's comic on:
Dilbert: Should we buy the maintenance plan or just take our chances? What do you prefer? Boss: I prefer to punish you for buying the maintenance plan and going over budget, but I also don't mind firing you for not buying it if we later need it. Which one of us has a better job?
Share February 25, 2008's comic on:
Bob: Im Bob the esquire dinosaur. your exemployee, wally, hired me to step you with a suit for hiring him. Take off your suit is I can slap you with it. Carol: Not now, He's being slapped with a suit and I don't want top ruin the rhythm.
Share December 19, 2008's comic on:
The boss: I'm promoting you from legacy systems troll to scapegoat. Your job is to dress in a goat costume and take the blame for all of our projects failing. Ted: We milled another deadline. All in favor of slapping the goat...
Share February 27, 2010's comic on:
The Boss says, "Victor quit. I need you to take over his project." Dilbert says, "Did he leave any documentation?" The Boss says, "No, but it's obviously some sort of glowing box. That should be enough to get your started." The Boss says, "Can you finish it by Monday?" Dilbert says, "If it's a nightlight, I can finish it by today."
Share February 25, 2007's comic on:
The Boss: You'll be in charge of this project. Dilbert: What's my budget?" The Boss: I'll need to approve all expenses. Dilbert: Who will report to me? The Boss: Your team will report to me and I'll tell them what to do. Dilbert: I'll start on the project plan. The Boss: Um... Skip that part. I already have a plan in my head. Dilbert: Hypothetically, who would take the blame if this project failed? Well, you're in charge...