Search Results for "tell the truth"
Share June 28, 2003's comic on:
Dilbert is at home. He says to Dogbert, "My company lost a frooglepoopillion dollars. I'm embarrassed to tell people where I work." Dogbert responds, "Never be afraid to tell the truth about yourself." Dilbert asks, "Because honesty is the best policy?" Dogbert replies, "Because no one pays any attention to what you say."
Share June 09, 1999's comic on:
The boss stands behind Dilbert's cubicle. The boss says, "Dilbert, I'd like you to testify in the lawsuit against our company." The boss says, "Tell the truth, but do it in your usual engineering way so that no one understands you." Dilbert says, "Actually, I've decidedd to be a whistle-blower." The boss says, "Whatever. It'll all sound the same!"
Share August 20, 2011's comic on:
Interview question. Boss: Describe your biggest mistake and what you learned from it. Man: I tried to get rid of an old couch by chewing it into tiny pieces and leaving one handful at a time at a Starbucks. Boss: And what did you learn? Man: I learned I should never tell that story.
Share November 22, 2011's comic on:
Mom, the good news I wanted to tell you is that my boss named me project manager. Mom: Please keep that to yourself. I tell my friends you're a locksmith. Dilbert: You're paying for your own lunch. Waiter: I'm Ed. I'll be your project manager.
Share July 18, 2012's comic on:
Dogbert: Do you respect those who speak truth to power? CEO: I don't know what that means. Dogbert: In this case it means you're ignorant, bald and overpaid. Do you respect me, or should I keep going?
Share January 17, 1994's comic on:
Dilbert: Id like permission to keep a plastic plant in my crucible, Security guard: Permission denied! Plants attract bugs. If I can't tell its plastic how are the bugs going to know the difference? Dilbert: With all due respect m bugs are way smarter than you. Security: Oh yeah? Id like to see them do this job.
Share July 04, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert and Wally are eating lunch. Dilbert says, "I told a guy in marketing that I programmed his computer to alter his DNA structure." Wally laughs, "Hee Hee." Dilbert continues, "He thinks he'll turn into some kind of animal." Wally suggests, "Tell him you set it to 'weasel.' It'll take longer to notice any change." The guy in marketing says to Alice, "Tell me the truth, Alice, can Dilbert reprogram my DNA?" Alice responds, "Yeah. You marketing guys only have one helix."
Share July 29, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert and an engineer from the other company sit at a table. Dilbert has a laptop computer open. Dilbert asks, "Tell me the truth. Use the engineer's secret code if you must." Dilbert continues, "Are there any little problems with the technology that my managers agreed to buy from your company?" The other engineer laughs, "Ha Ha Snort Snort Ha Ha Ha!!!" Dilbert types into his laptop and says, "1100111... Good. Go on."
Share September 27, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss walks up behind him and says, "We have to improve our image in the Internet community." Dilbert says, "Let's do a mass unsolicited e-mail campaign to tell people how nice we are." Dilbert comes home and looks very angry. Dogbert says, "You have the look of a man who was just put in charge of implementing his own sarcastic suggestion."
Share March 13, 1994's comic on:
"Dogbert's Body Language Update" "Are you hampered by the limits of conventional body language?" "I can help." - How can you politely tell somebody he's babbling? "Babble, Babble." - Remove the offender's watch while he babbles.- "Babble." - Smash the watch with your daily planner. - "Babble." "Whack!" - This won't stop the babble, but it will feel real good for a minute.- "Babble." "Mmm." - Use this position to signal your surrender to the babble.- "Babble." -Next week - the self-Heimlich manuever and the Kervorkian dodge.- "Babble."