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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 2007's comic on:


Tags #hired sadits, #thin th herd, #looks slow

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The Boss: I hired a sadist. Dilbert: Why? Th boss: I'll be using you her to thin the heard. Dilbert: Herd? Sadist: That one looks slow. The Boss: That all look like that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 19, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #insecure, #insult, #thin, #sexy, #whale, #bad, #hairdo

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Dogbert walks outdoors thinking, "It's easy to make insecure people insult themselves." Dogbert says to a woman, "Good morning, ma'am. You look thin and sexy today!" The woman replies, "Sexy?! Ha! I'm a whale . . . A whale with a bad hairdo!" Dogbert walks away humming and thinking, "Next."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 1995's comic on:


Tags #urgent message, #disregard, #healthy compnay, #herd stampedes, #resume, #voicemail

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Dilbert sits in his cubicle holding the phone. The voice on the phone says, "To hear your urgent voice mail message press one . . . " A voice on the phone says, "This urgent message is to all employees. Please disregard the rumors of a merger with a healthy company." Dilbert looks out of his cubicle and sees co-workers running in every direction. One man yells, "Resume!" Another cries, "Where's my interview suit??!!" Dilbert thinks, "Now spooked, the herd stampedes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 1997's comic on:


Tags #broke herd, #dancer, #do your stuff, #flirting, #powerful, #woman, #chick magnet

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Dilbert, wearing a jogging suit, sits in the grass. He says to Dogbert, "If you're such a chick magnet, let's see you do your stuff." Dogbert says, "Okay. I'll wag. They love that." Dilbert says, "It's working! You broke one out of the herd. She'd coming this way." Dogbert says, "Be careful. I don't know how powerful this is." Dilbert grumbles. A cute girl sits next to Dogbert and says, "I'll bet you work out a lot. I'm a dancer." Dogbert says, "Uh-oh."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 06, 2007's comic on:


Tags #new dress code, #consolidating, #offcies, #20 people cubicle, #impossible, #thin film pil, #no clothes, #bad conditions, #worst place work, #awards, #demoralize, #inhumane, #horrid conditions

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Catbert: The new dress code is a thin film of oil. "We're consolidating offices and we need to fit twenty people in each cubicle." Dilbert: "They've pretty much given up on winning one of those awards for best places to work."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 21, 2011's comic on:


Tags #consensus, #lost and confused, #lateness, #doesn't work

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Dilbert: There was a consensus in that room that you're not important, so we started without you. we hate you for disrespecting us with your lateness and we expect you'll be lost and confused by th rest of this meeting. Alice: in summary, lateness is one of those things that doesn't work for everyone.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 15, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #charismatic, #leader, #vegetarian, #ranks, #scrawny, #wimps, #deceptively, #healthy

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A thin man with a mustache and glasses says, "Dogbert, we need you to become the charismatic leader of our vegetarian movement." The man continues, "We tried to pick a leader from our ranks, but most of us are . . . Um . . . Well . . ." Dogbert asks, "Scrawny wimps?" The man replies, "Yeah, but deceptively healthy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 16, 1994's comic on:


Tags #bank off head, #coach, #field, #game, #glasses, #goal, #soccer, #strike, #team players, #Sports

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Player man: dilbert, you'll be playing the left striker position. Player man: one of our good players will try to strike tony in th head with the ball and bank it in the goal, LIZ: "It" being the ball not your head. Dilbert: Id better take off y glasses. LIZ: No, don't, I included their dampening effect in my calculations.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 03, 1994's comic on:


Tags #consulting comany, #executive compensation, #ninety percent, #overpaid, #repeat business

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Dogbert: the dogcart consulting company has reviewed the executive compensation plan as you requested. My conclusion is that you're already hideously overpaid, Im recommending ninety percent pay cuts and a whack in th head for each of you. I"ll bet you don't get much repeat business. Dogbert: Oh yeah, as if Id want to spend more time with you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 01, 1995's comic on:


Tags #staus report, #light, #email, #flame war, #technical surperiority, #simian ancestry, #obligation, #victims of hormones

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Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. Both of them look like they have been burned in a fire. Dilbert says, "My status report is a bit light this week because I'm having an e-mail flame war with Wally." Dilbert continues angrily, "Wally refuses to admit my technical superiority or his simian ancestry. It is my obligation to set him straight." Wally shakes his fist at Dilbert and shouts, "NEVER!!" Dilbert says, "I'm thinking this somehow elevates my rank in the herd and improves my mating possibilities." Wally says, "We're victims of hormones."