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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 29, 1995's comic on:


Tags #turn the house, #gambling casino, #illeagl, #tiny republic, #dogbertland, #seed from repressive, #morning, #voting, #green card

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Dogbert spreads construction plans on the table and says to Dilbert, "I'm planning to turn the house into a gambling casino." Dilbert asks, "Isn't that illegal?" Dogbert replies, "Not in the tiny republic of Dogbertland. I seceded from the repressive homeland this morning." Dilbert says, "I don't remember voting on that." Dogbert hands him a card and says, "Here's your green card."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 08, 2011's comic on:


Tags #doctors, #employees, #medicines, #nice guys, #paid less, #aggressive jerks, #offer raise, #testosterone injections, #illegal, #dangerous, #unethical, #tiny income, #business

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Dilbert: Studies show that nice guys get paid less than aggressive jerks. Dogbert: Maybe you should offer your doctor 10% of your next raise if he gives you testosterone injections. Dilbert: That would be illegal, dangerous, and unethical. Dogbert: Said the man with the tiny income.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 2012's comic on:


Tags #clubs, #meetings, #rich people, #tiny flying unicron, #commodities, #1% club, #imagination, #Entertainment

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Wally: A tiny flying unicorn gave me this key. Guard: Grab a snout and a hat. We're just about to manipulate the commodities market. Wally: Is it my imagination or everything a little bit better here?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 02, 1994's comic on:


Tags #dogberts tech support, #dog, #rat, #phone call, #customer, #question, #compensate tiny brain, #to busy, #play dead, #animals

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DOGBERTS TECH SUPPORT Dogbert sits at a desk and says into the phone, "Please wait while I consult with somebody who has your exact same problem." Ratbert sits in the chair next to Dogbert. Dogbert asks him, "How do you compensate for a tiny brain, Ratbert?" Ratbert answers, "I just say I'm way too busy to learn. Then I get somebody else to do my work." Dilbert says into the phone, "I'm going to transfer you to an expert." Ratbert says, "Sometimes I pretend to be dead."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 1995's comic on:


Tags #more work, #same tiny raises, #clever shift, #management philosophy, #simple application, #annoy, #effect pay

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Dilbert stands in front of the Boss who is seated at his desk. Dilbert says, "I accomplished twice as much as Wally this year, but we got exactly the same tiny raises." Dilbert says, "I'm wondering if this is a clever shift in management philosophy or a simple application of your ignorance?" The boss says, "You're starting to annoy me." Dilbert replies, "And that would affect my pay how?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 10, 1995's comic on:


Tags #performance this year, #tasks, #tiny raise, #boss asigned, #bonus, #keeping salaries low, #workplace violence

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The Boss sits at his desk and Dilbert sits across from him. The Boss tells Dilbert, "Your performance this year was good, but you worked on tasks that aren't important. Therefore you get a tiny raise." Dilbert looks angry as he replies, "I worked on the tasks YOU assigned. What's that say about YOUR performance?" The Boss replies, "It's excellent. I get a bonus for keeping salaries low." Dilbert asks, "Have you seen any literature on workplace violence?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 1995's comic on:


Tags #self conscious, #tiny brain, #war wax, #bob the donisoaur

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Bob the Dinosaur says to Dogbert, "Sometimes I feel self-conscious because my brain is so tiny." Bob continues, "Here, let me reach in my ear and pull it out." Dogbert looks at what Bob is holding in his hand and says, "I think that's ear wax, Bob." Bob replies, "Maybe. But I'm putting it back just in case."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 1996's comic on:


Tags #software development work, #tiny nation, #elbonia, #integrating software, #existing systems, #tuberculosis vaccination

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Alice says to Dilbert, "I heard that our software development work has been moved to the tiny nation of Elbonia." Dilbert responds, "Things can't get worse than that." The Boss approaches Dilbert and says, "Dilbert, you're in charge of integrating the Elbonian's software with our existing systems." Dilbert looks stunned. Dilbert says to Alice, "Okay, NOW it can't get any worse." The Boss adds, "You might want to get a tuberculosis vaccination."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 1997's comic on:


Tags #each photo, #universe, #tiny skull, #going to explode, #tarpaulin, #rat talks garbageman

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Ratbert sits on a garbage can and says, "So... each photon is a universe.. then mass is just a probability cluster?" THe trash man says, "That's how I see it." Ratbert holds his head in his hands like it's about to explode and says, "Wow! I think my tiny skull is so full it's going to explode." The garbage man says holds a plastic bag of trash and says, "Let me get a tarpaulin." Dogbert walks up and says, "Have you been talking to our garbage man again?" Ratbert sits on a canvas tarp and holds his head. He says, "Don't get too close."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 09, 1998's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #hr director, #tiny raises, #nothing to motivate, #alice complains

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Caption: "Catbert: H.R. Director" Alice sits in a chair across from Catbert's desk. Alice with her arms out says, "I work hard, but all I get are tiny raises." Catbert says, "If we gave you everything you wanted, then you would have nothing to motivate you." ALice says, "I don't want to be motivated." Catbert says, "That's why I enjoy doing it!"