Search Results for "total sales"
Share October 14, 2005's comic on:
"Our total sales to Elbonia are one package of software." "That can only mean that they're engaged in massive software piracy." "When I toss the tiny Frisbee (TM), you leap in the air and catch it in your mouth." "You first."
Share September 07, 2016's comic on:
Boss: Our executive team didn't know what to do about weak sales. SO they reorganized the company and gave themselves new titles and big raises. They still don't know what to do about weak sales, but they report being happier about the situation.
Share January 18, 2011's comic on:
Dogbert's Sales Training Seminar Dogbert says, "Losers sell to customers." Dogbert says, "Winners sell the idea of low quota levels to their own bosses." Dogbert says, "Now everyone do the cha-ching dance!" Dogbert's Sales Training Seminar
Share November 24, 2011's comic on:
Unmotivated sales guy Man: My slides are blank because no one told me what our product does. And I don't have a compelling reason to find out because I don't work on commission. If anyone asks why you didn't place an order, would you mind saying you have budget issues?
Share December 24, 2011's comic on:
Boss: I need you to come with me on a sales trip, but don't talk to the customer. Your presence is needed to give a misleading impression of how much engineering support we plan to offer after the sale. Dilbert: So I'm nothing but a bag of meat? Boss: No. You're a lying bag of meat.
Share May 12, 2012's comic on:
Finance Troll: Our sales have dropped to zero in retail stores that have self-checkout. Apparently the people who are dumb enough to want our product are too dumb to know how to use the self-checkout. On a positive note, we have the most shoplifted product of the year. Boss: Yes!
Share June 23, 2012's comic on:
Dilbert: I finished the fraudulent analysis you requested to support the decision you already made. It's a total betrayal of shareholders and a slap in the face for anyone who values rational behavior. Boss: Thanks. That's exactly what I wanted. Dilbert: You're welcome.
Share July 27, 1994's comic on:
"From now on, twenty percent of your pay will depend on the company meeting its sales targets." "In effect, we'll cut your pay and tell you it's your own darn fault." "Will the sales target be based on a complex formula and involve numbers that can't be accurately measured?" "You broke the code!"
Share October 10, 1994's comic on:
Ted: I predict sales to be nothing for two years and then take a sudden surge. Dilbert: Why? Ted: The surge was added so I could get the business case approved. The two -year lag gives me time to get promoted. Dilbert: What about accountability? Dilbert: thats where you come in.
Share December 20, 1994's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss enters and says, "Describe how you used 'total quality' methods on your last project. We're applying for the Millard Bullrush Quality Award." Dilbert says, "You know I didn't use 'total quality.' I'd have to lie." The Boss responds, "Sadly, Millard passed away before he could invent the Millard Bullrush 'Honesty' Award."