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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 08, 1995's comic on:


Tags #project status, #yellow light, #twelve seconds, #interface, #manual, #pure fiction, #need to do, #dummies book

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Dilbert, Wally, Alice and the Boss sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "The project status is 'yellow light.'" Dilbert continues, "In user tests we found that the product locks up every twelve seconds. The interface is incomprehensible and the manual is pure fiction." Dilbert continues, "I think it's clear what we need to do . . ." The Boss asks, "Ship it and hope somebody writes a 'Dummies' book about it?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 07, 1997's comic on:


Tags #stop watch, #testing theory, #people get dumber, #emotional intelligence, #twelve seconds

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Dilbert lies on the couch and Dogbert stands on the armrest. Dogbert looks at a stopwatch and says, "Don't mind the stopwatch. I'm testing the theory that people get dumber every minute." Dilbert says, "It's not so simple, Dogbert. You also have to consider my 'emotional intelligence,' which is defined in a book I haven't read." Dogbert stops the watch and says, "Twelve seconds." Dilbert sits up and says angrily, "Give me that watch, you hog!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 13, 1996's comic on:


Tags #shared laser printer, #apollo space mission, #wally invented cursor

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Wally presses a button on his keyboard and thinks, "Gotta hurry. One . . . two . . . three . . ." Wally runs out of his cubicle and thinks, "I have twelve seconds to get to the shared laser printed." As Wally peers around the corner, Alice and Dilbert stand at the printer reading copies of Wally's resume. Alice says, "Guess who saved the Apollo 13 space mission." Dilbert says, "Did you know that Wally invented the cursor?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 19, 1996's comic on:


Tags #idiot fell, #twelve hours, #chair safety training, #do, #not do

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The Boss says to Wally and Alice, "Some idiot stood on a chair and fell off." The Boss continues, "Now we all have to take twelve hours of chair safety training." Wally and Alice wince. During training Alice, Wally and the Boss watch a man standing on his head and spinning on a chair. The Boss whispers, "Is that a 'do' or a 'not do?'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 19, 1997's comic on:


Tags #recruiting on campus, #twelve comapnies, #copies, #resume, #true tables, #interview, #interviewee

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Recruiting on Campus The female college student says, "I have better offers from twelve companies. Whay should I work at yours?" Dilbert stares blankly. The college student walks away, "I'll see what I can do for you." Dilbert says, "Do you have enough copies of my resume?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 2002's comic on:


Tags #have mail, #twelve years, #glistens, #envelope, #happy, #awed

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Wally and Dilbert are in the mail room. Wally says, "I have mail! I've never had mail in twelve years here." Wally continues, "It's not addressed to me but it was in my box so I'm keeping it." Dilbert asks, "No mail for twelve years?" Wally responds, "If I hold it just right it glistens."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 02, 2005's comic on:


Tags #mordac, #preventer of information, #screen saver, #modified, #seconds of inactivity, #head bobbing bird

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"I am Mordac, the preventer of information technology. I have modified your screensaver security to lock up after two seconds of inactivity." "Ha ha! Unless you touch the keyboard every two seconds you will be forced to log-in again!" "Dang you perpetually moving head-bobbing bird! Gaaa!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 02, 2007's comic on:


Tags #coworkers, #cubicles, #question, #busy, #promise of speed, #five seconds, #name calling, #no time, #disrespect, #no help

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Tina; "Do you have a minute?" Dilbert: "No." Tina: "This will just take a second." Dilbert: "No it won't." Tina: "It's real quick." Dilbert: Never is. Tina: "You have my word that it will take no longer than five seconds." Dilbert: "Okay. Go." Tina: "Oh, good. So, I was walking by and I thought maybe I should stop and ask you something because..." Dilbert: "Time's up." Tina: "Jerk" Dilbert: "Liar."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 10, 2000's comic on:


Tags #doing it wrong, #response time, #sub second, #two seconds, #always right, #never wrong, #screaming

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Noriko says to Dilbert, "And we'll have sub-second response time. Dilbert says to Noriko, "Actually, it's already two seconds, and your change will add two more." Noriko exclaims to Dilbert, "Why do you always have to be right?!" Noriko says to Dilbert, "Just once can't you admit I'm right?" Dilbert says, "Okay, I admit that two plus two equals less than one." Noriko says, "I don't mean now, jerk. I mean in general." Dilbert says, "Okay. In general I admit that the rules of physics are optional." Noriko exclaims, "You're doing it wrong!!" Dilbert says, "You're right. My fault again."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 09, 2012's comic on:


Tags #annoyance, #roboshark, #cubicle distance, #12 feet, #territorial waters, #robot, #scare tactics

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Alice: Stop using the aisle behind my cubicle. It's distracting. Everything within twelve feet of my cubicle are my territorial waters. Ted: You can't enforce that. Alice: Tell that to my roboshark.