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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 09, 2011's comic on:


Tags #inventions, #managers & supervisors, #portal, #parallel uiverse, #more prodcutive, #universe, #cops, #alice killed boss

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Asok says, "I created a portal to a parallel universe. My success was possible because Alice killed our boss so we are all more productive." Alice says, "Step aside. The cops have been sniffing around and I need something from the other universe." Alice says, "Look on the bright side, Asok. Some other universe just got a lot more productive."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 12, 2011's comic on:


Tags #thinking, #worry, #no probelms, #insane, #universe, #nail waiting for hammer, #pre frontal cortex, #anticipation, #too smooth, #mysteriously calm, #uncomforatbale

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Dilbert: I'm worried because I don't seem to have any problems today. Wally: Uh-oh. Dilbert: That either means I'm insane or the universe is saving up something big. Wally: Or both. Dilbert: I feel like a nail waiting to get hammered. Wally: The pre-frontal cortex is overrated.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 25, 1994's comic on:


Tags #world ends, #year 2000, #creator, #universe, #counting system, #round numbers, #feeling anxiety, #dog, #rat, #conversation

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Dogbert: "I'm predicting the world will end in the year 2000." "The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers." "So you really want to avoid being, let's say, in mobile home number 1,000,000 in the year 2000." Ratbert: "I'm feeling anxiety."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 1996's comic on:


Tags #supreme ruler, #universe, #next movie, #the show, #embraced you, #befor ehsow, #no visible mouth

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Dogbert appears on the "Larry King Live" show. Dogbert says into the microphone, "Larry, I'm here to announce my candidacy for Supreme Ruler of the Universe." Larry says, "That's funny! Tell us about your next movie, Sharon." Dogbert replies, "I'm not Sharon Stone. I said that to get on the show." Larry says, "So . . . When I embraced you before the show . . ." Dogbert says, "I think we're both glad I have no visible mouth."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 29, 1997's comic on:


Tags #photo, #densely packed universe, #first rat, #win nobel prize, #stranger things, #have happened

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. Ratbert says, "So, I'm thinking: what if every photon is just a densely packed universe, and to them, our universe looks like a photon?" Ratbert says, "If I'm right, I might be the first rat to win a Nobel prize." Ratbert says, "Stranger things have happened." Dilbert turns and says, "Name one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 1997's comic on:


Tags #each photo, #universe, #tiny skull, #going to explode, #tarpaulin, #rat talks garbageman

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Ratbert sits on a garbage can and says, "So... each photon is a universe.. then mass is just a probability cluster?" THe trash man says, "That's how I see it." Ratbert holds his head in his hands like it's about to explode and says, "Wow! I think my tiny skull is so full it's going to explode." The garbage man says holds a plastic bag of trash and says, "Let me get a tarpaulin." Dogbert walks up and says, "Have you been talking to our garbage man again?" Ratbert sits on a canvas tarp and holds his head. He says, "Don't get too close."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 31, 1995's comic on:


Tags #boss idea, #email system, #stupid idea, #universe, #debate is futile, #nuclear power, #good or evil

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Dilbert and Wally sit at a table. The Boss enters the room and says, "I've got an idea!" Dilbert and Wally think, "We're doomed." The Boss asks, "Why can't we run our inventory database over our e-mail system?" Dilbert thinks, "Fact: that is the stupidest idea in the universe." Wally thinks, "Fact: his comprehension is so limited that debate is futile." Dilbert and Wally both think, "Fact: we could spend hours unsuccessfully explaining why it's a stupid idea." Dilbert and Wally think, "Fact: he would never know if we used his idea or not." Dilbert says, "No problem." Wally says, "We'll get right on it." The Boss walks away thinking, "My work is done." Wally tells Dilbert, "Stupidity is like nuclear power; it can be used for good or evil." Dilbert adds, "And you don't want to get any on you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 2002's comic on:


Tags #blame insurance carrier, #give reason, #master plan, #parking lot, #reason, #remove all joy, #tell kids, #universe, #no skateboarding

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The Boss and Carol are looking out the window at the parking lot below. The Boss says, "Carol, tell those kids they can't skateboard in our parking lot." Carol responds, "Should I give them a reason, or is this part of your master plan to remove all joy from the universe?" Catbert is standing by a globe. The Boss says, "They know about the plan." Catbert responds, "Fool! I told you to blame our insurance carrier!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 23, 2005's comic on:


Tags #not entitled to opinions, #copyrighted, #stupidest opinions, #universe, #uttered

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"And so that's why..." "Excuse me, you're not entitled to your opinion." "I copyrighted all of the stupidest opinions in the universe so they can never again be uttered." "Hey! I just realized that I no longer need to drink!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 03, 2008's comic on:


Tags #adventurer, #alternate universe, #billionaire, #evolution, #kills the strong, #south pole, #universe

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Anti-Dilbert says, "In my alternate universe, the one we call Wally is a billionaire entrepreneur and adventurer." Anti-Dilbert says, "No one has seen him since he tried to swim to the south pole." Anti-Dilbert says, "In my universe, evolution kills the strong." Wally says, "Sounds like he had it coming."