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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 21, 2014's comic on:


Tags #anger, #criticism, #perfection, #psychological disorder, #psychological evaluation, #perfectionist, #warning, #not a problem, #cognitive dissonance, #unrealistic optimism, #projection bias, #jerk, #anger issues

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Coworker: I should warn you that I'm a perfectionist. Dilbert: I appreciate the warning. Do you have any other psychological problems or just the one? Coworker: I don't think of it as a "problem." Dilbert: I guess that's what makes it so bad. I see a lot of other psychological problems in your writing. Cognitive dissonance, unrealistic optimism, and some projection bias. But I can see why you think your perfectionism is the worst part. Coworker: You're a jerk. Dilbert: ...and here come the anger issues.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 01, 2013's comic on:


Tags #new year's day, #optimism, #network down, #bad new years day, #good year

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Dilbert: A fresh new year is upon us and I am brimming with optimism. Ugh. Our network at work is down because my pointy-haired boss wouldn't let me upgrade the software. Now I need to work all night to fix it. Maybe this means the next 364 days will be extra awesome. Dogbert: Yeah. That's how it works.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 25, 2008's comic on:


Tags #comments, #business plan, #hodge podeg, #unwarranted optimism, #impenetrable fortress, #buzzwords

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Dilbert says, "Can you give me some comments on my business plan?" Wally says, "Sure." Wally says, "Your plan is a hodge-podge of unwarranted optimism encased in an impenetrable fortress of buzzwords." Dilbert says, "Would you like to read it?" Wally says, "There's that unwarranted optimism again."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 29, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #work, #lazy, #update software, #computer, #reboot, #endless cycle, #drink coffee, #optimism, #past, #waste time

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Wally says, "Every time I update my software, it tells me I have to reboot." Wally says, "And every time I reboot, I get another message to update something else. It's all I've been doing since October." The Boss says, "But you worked in September, right?" Wally says, "I admire your optimism about the past."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 17, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #customer, #wear jacket, #lazy, #optimism

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Wally says, "I'm on my way to a meeting with a prospective customer." Wally says, "We have such a long sales gestation period that the value of my efforts won't be known for two years." Wally says, "Just remember that optimism looks exactly like doing nothing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 2010's comic on:


Tags #rival, #drain hope, #optimism, #yell, #freak out, #scary, #mouth open, #meeting

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The Boss says, "You mission is to assassinate the motivation of my rival." The Boss says, "I want you to attend a meeting with him and drain the optimism out of his body." Man says, "What is happening to my sense of hope?" Wally says, "Let it happen."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 16, 2011's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #meetings, #optimism, #vice presdient, #unoccupied room, #cell phone, #finish soon, #nap in cubilce, #get work done, #run errands, #optimism like disappointement

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The Boss says, "Our meeting room is being used by a vice president." The Boss says, "I need all of you to search for an unoccupied room. Call my cell when you find one." The Boss says, "I'll stay here in case they finish soon." Dilbert says, "Where are you going to look?" Wally says, "I'm going to take a nap in my cubicle and hope the problem takes care of itself." Dilbert says, "Good idea. I'll go get some work done." Alice says, "Perfect time to run some errands." The Boss says, "Optimism is a lot like disappointment."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 20, 2008's comic on:


Tags #appear to be concerned, #decision making, #frequently thwarted, #impractical advice, #no one decides, #perpetual problems, #rarely disappointed, #unwarranted optimism

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Dilbert says, "I have an issue." The Boss says, "Lordy lord." Dilbert says, "No one in the department wants to be left out of the decision making." Dilbert says, "But no one is willing to make a decision." Dilbert says, "As a result, all of my problems are perpetual." Dilbert says, "Can you do something about that?" The Boss says, "I can appear to be concerned. How's this expression?" Dilbert says, "Can you combine that with some impractical advice and unwarranted optimism?" Dilbert says, "I'm frequently thwarted, but rarely disappointed."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 09, 2008's comic on:


Tags #follow arc, #phase one, #unwarranted optimism, #delusions of competence, #phase two, #obstructionists slither, #smother dreams, #ignorance and envy, #fuel rumors, #morph into common knowledge, #resources allocated, #misinformation and favoritism, #requirements will drift, #undesirable and impossible

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Dilbert says, "Our project plan will follow the usual arc." Dilbert says, "Phase one will be unwarranted optimism supported by delusions of competence." Dilbert says, "In phase two, the obstructionists will slither out of their lairs and try to smother our dreams." Dilbert says, "Ignorance and envy will fuel rumors that get repeated until they morph into common knowledge." Dilbert says, "Resources will be allocated based on misinformation and favoritism." Dilbert says, "And requirements will drift until the project is both undesirable and impossible." Dilbert says, "That brings us to the second week." Asok says, "I want my unwarranted optimism back."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 07, 2007's comic on:


Tags #manage spreadsheet, #track things, #problems, #cute optimism, #pretty fuzzy

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The Boss: I've decided to manage by spreadsheet. "I'll track things until all of our problems fix themselves." CatBert: "Your optimism is cute." The Boss: "Thanks. You're pretty fuzzy yourself."