Search Results for "vision correction"
Share May 21, 2012's comic on:
Tags #bluetooth, #bluetooth headset, #cyborg, #doctors, #ear, #full human, #happiness, #intraocular lenses, #inventions, #pill form, #powered by chemistry, #streaming video, #surgically enbed, #vision correction, #dentits, #special surgery
Dilbert: I know I'd be happier as a cyborg than a full human. I want you to surgically embed a bluetooth headset in my ear, powered by my own body chemistry. And I'd like intra-ocular lenses with vision correction and streaming video over bluetooth. Doctor: Happiness only comes in pill form.
Share September 11, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert, Catbert and Wally are sitting at a conference table. Catbert says, "As director of human resources I've been asked to reduce the cost of employee benefits." Catbert says, "The company will no longer pay for eyeglasses. But we WILL support a new vision-correction procedure." Dilbert asks, "Radial Keratotomy?" Catbert answers, "Squinting."
Share February 09, 2011's comic on:
Wally says, "I got your text message and I burped the grope plow armistice as you requested." Dilbert says, "Maybe you should turn off the auto-correction feature on your phone." Wally says, "If the weather holds, I'll flail the rude fresco tomorrow."
Share December 30, 2012's comic on:
Dogbert: I finished ghostwriting your autobiography. CEO: "I was ridiculously lucky. The End." I was hoping you'd include something about all of my hard work. Dogbert: You didn't work any harder than your gardener, and he lives in his truck. CEO: What about my vision and intuition? Dogbert: My first draft had a chapter on your hallucinations and magical thinking. But I covered that ground with the title: "I'm A Delusional Sociopath And You Can Too." CEO: I'm starting to regret paying you in advance.
Share April 01, 2013's comic on:
Wally: Our mission, vision, strategy, road map, and core values are not aligned. So instead of flailing around with no clear direction, I plan to spend my days looking at inappropriate websites. Yesterday, when you said, "Bring me solutions, not problems," I hope you meant it.
Share October 02, 2013's comic on:
CEO: Build a hyperloop to connect every major city in the world with super-fast transportation. The vision was the hard part. You idiots can work on the details. Someone pat me on the back. I can't reach it with my T-rex arms.
Share January 13, 2014's comic on:
Boss: We need employees that are motivated by our vision, not by money. Catbert: Are we looking for any other mental problems, or just that one? Boss: I"m also a big fan of low self-esteem. It comes in handy at performance review time.
Share July 15, 2014's comic on:
CEO: When someone takes your picture, the flash spot stays in your vision for a few seconds. I want you to figure out how to place ads on that little spot. Dilbert: That would be a huge personal violation. CEO: Bah! You said the same thing when we took your privacy.
Share August 23, 1989's comic on:
The caption says, "And while he had just created undoubtedly the finest memo known to man, still Dilbert felt curiously unfulfilled." Dilbert sits at his desk and reads the memorandum. Dilbert thinks, "Maybe it needs more 'CC's.'" The caption says, "Sadly, not everybody would share Dilbert's vision." Dogbert reads the memo and asks, "Do you really think staples can be straightened and reused?" Dilbert says, "I'm just saying we should study it."
Share August 16, 1993's comic on:
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally, Alice and Ted sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I'm told by a reliable source that our senior vice president made a sound like 'yurp' at lunch." The Boss continues, "What does it mean? Does it signal a new set of priorities? We must demonstrate our commitment to this vision." Dilbert asks, "What was the context of this vision?" The Boss replies, "All we know is he was eating a burrito."