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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 06, 1997's comic on:


Tags #brilliant advice, #few points, #iq points, #not harder, #people, #pillow gone, #smarter, #speak latin, #wally dream, #wanting to, #working in dump, #work smarter

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Wally lies in bed dreaming. In his dream, he says to The Boss, "Hey, Pointy-Hair!" Wally says, "Thanks for the brilliant advice that I should, 'Work smarter, not harder.'" Wally continues, "I didn't realize people could become smarter just by wanting to." Wally groans and his head begins to bulge. He says, "Watch me add a few IQ points right now!" The Boss looks wide eyed. Wally says, "Wow! Suddenly, I can speak Latin!" Wally groans some more, "Let's crank it up a few more points." Wally's head is humongous. He says, "Why am I working in this dump? I should be a consultant." The dream over, Wally is at work holding a coffee cup. His head remains humongous. He says to Dilbert, "When I woke up, my pillow was gone." Dilbert says, "Oh wow. You woke up in the wrong joke."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 27, 1989's comic on:


Tags #comrade, #dogsky, #electronic, #secrets, #soviet man, #microfiche, #hard copy, #cripple, #empire, #evil

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Dogbert walks down a sidewalk and a man in a trenchcoat says, "Pssst . . . Comrade Dogsky. Will you sell your master's electronic secrets to nice Soviet man?" Dogbert asks, "Will you be wanting them on microfiche or hard copy?" Back at home, Dilbert asks, "You're going to cripple the WHAT?" Dogbert, who is carrying plans, replies, "Evil empire. Trust me on this."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 2008's comic on:


Tags #plaintiff, #favor of, #weasel, #unanimous, #wants to leave, #juror, #jury, #jurors box, #legal

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JUROR: "We find in favor of the plaintiff dude." "There was some discussion about which one is the plaintiff - the complainy guy or the weasel." "But we were unanimous in not wanting to be here any longer." Another man says, "Aye!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 22, 2009's comic on:


Tags #wanting, #award, #scheme, #planning, #lazy

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "I want to win a humanitarian award." Dogbert says, "But I don't want to touch anyone who is sick. Or poor. Or unattractive." The Boss says, "Do you want to donate your time or money?" Dogbert says, "I'm hoping to donate your time and the stockholders' money."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 01, 2010's comic on:


Tags #mother, #son, #help, #rebate, #laptop, #tv, #ringtone, #scheme, #plan, #yell, #phone call, #Family

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Mom says, "Dilbert, could you help me fill out this rebate form the next time you visit?" Dilbert says, "Sure, mom." Mom says, "Also, my laptop keeps crashing." Dilbert says, "I'll take a look at it." Mom says, "My TV is acting up again too." Mom says, "And maybe you could show me how to change my ringtone." Dilbert says, "Do you really need all of that help?" Dilbert says, "Or is this an elaborate scheme to inoculate against me ever wanting to move back home?" Mom says, "We have a bad connection! What? What? What?" Mom thinks, "That should buy me another six months."

Wanting More Out Of Life

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Wanting More Out Of Life - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 28, 2017's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #laziness, #wisdom, #ambition

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Asok: Do you ever want more out of life? Wally: That's how losers think. If you always want more, you can never be happy with what you have. Asok: I can't tell if you're wise or lazy. Wally: I know. It took me years to find that sweet spot.