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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #lying, #strangers, #car, #salesman, #carlos, #smuggler, #corners, #weights, #hidden, #door, #panels

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I got a job as a used car salesman." Dilbert asks, "Does it pay well?" Dogbert replies, "I'm not in it for the money. I just enjoy lying to strangers." Dogbert shows a car to a customer and says, "This one was owned by Carlos the Diamond Smuggler. It corners well, but the gas mileage is bad -- almost as if it has weights hidden in the door panels."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 24, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #arms, #Dogbert, #weights, #lifting, #automatically, #muscles, #stick, #latin, #name, #armpits, #straight, #time, #good

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Dilbert holds his arms away from his body. He asks Dogbert, "Notice anything different?" Dogbert replies, "You're holding your arms out like this." Dilbert replies, "I've been lifting weights!" Dilbert continues, "My arms do this automatically because of the muscles." Dogbert asks, "What muscles would make your arms stick out?" Dilbert replies, "Obviously, it's some sort of armpit muscle. I don't know the Latin name." Dilbert puts his arms over his head and says, "I'm going to keep at it until I have huge armpits and I have to keep my arms straight up all the time." Dogbert asks, "Why are you doing this?" Dilbert replies, "I just want to look good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 12, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #elevators, #riding, #woman, #straight, #ahead, #dead, #social anxiety, #naturally, #acting

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Dilbert stands next to a woman in an elevator. Dilbert thinks, "Riding elevators is so awkward." Dilbert thinks, "Stare straight ahead . . . Don't breathe . . . Don't fidget . . . Don't blink . . . Arms hang like limp weights . . ." The woman thinks, "I think he's dead." Dilbert thinks, "Above all, act naturally."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 2001's comic on:


Tags #wally in jail, #impersonating, #dead person, #street smarts, #survive, #temporary tattoos, #gift shop

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Alice enters Dilbert's cubicle and announces, "Wally's in jail for impersonating a dead person." Alice, sipping her coffee, continues, "He'll have to use all of his street smarts to survive." Wally is seen in jail sitting next to a large man with tattoos, lifting weights. Wally grips his briefcase to himself and says, "I'll need some temporary tattoos. Which way is the gift shop?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 2001's comic on:


Tags #dating attractive men, #dumb self centered, #intelligent homely guy, #gym, #free weights, #girl talk, #Dilbert, #Women

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Two women are at the gym. The dark haired says to the light haired, "I'm tired of dating attractive men who are dumb and self-centered." The dark haired continues, "Maybe I can find an intelligent homely guy and clean him up." The light haired exclaims, "No!!!" Dilbert approaches the women and asks, "Do you mind if I work in a set with those five-pounders?" The dark haired looks at Dilbert from the corner of her eye and smiles. The light haired screams, "Don't do it, Amber!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 16, 2005's comic on:


Tags #practical vehicle, #environement, #40 tons, #owls for fuel

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SALE The boss: "I'm looking for a practical vehicle that's also good for the environment." "I recommend the envirocrusher-4. It weights 40 tons and it uses owls for fuel." The Boss: "Where I would I get that many owls?" "The engine noise stuns them. You just them up off the ground."