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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #engineer, #duel, #angry, #fight, #send link, #winner, #arms up, #cell phone

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How Engineers Duel Dilbert says, "Your data are weak." Engineer says, "Make your move!" Dilbert says, "I'm sending you a link!" Engineer says, "I'm sending you three links!" Dilbert says, "I don't have time for this." Engineer says, "Winner!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dogbert sits at a table holding some playing cards. He thinks, "I can't remember the rules for solitaire." Dogbert thinks, "I'll just put the cards in random piles and then declare myself the winner." Dilbert sits back in the chair and looks at the piles. He thinks, "That was surprisingly satisfying."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"To configure the software, enter the name of next year's academy award winner for best actor." "Please wait."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Asok sits at his computer. Dilbert hands him a binder. Dilbert says, "Asok, you're the winner of the prestigious "Broken Binder Award"." Asok smiles. Dilbert says, "It's a once-in-a-lifetime award that is voted on by your peers." Wally and Dilbert stand in front of Asok's cubicle. Inside the cubicle Asok holds the binder and cheers. Wally says, "How long have you been dumping your trash here?" Dilbert says, "Since my can got full."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dilbert, Wally, Alice, the Boss and another man sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We've implemented an 'employee of the month award.'" The Boss explains, "The winner gets to park in a special space right behind the area reserved for managers!" Dilbert says, "That's like saying the very best employee isn't as good as the worst manager." The Boss replies, "No, you're just as good but . . . Uh . . . Less important." Wally says, "Personally, I'm feeling all charged up about this program!" Wally continues, "I'm going to work day and night to increase my chances for better parking!!" Everyone except the Boss laughs. Wally says, "But wait! I ride the train to work!" The Boss thinks, "We're off to a rocky start."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dogbert says to Dilbert, "Work is for losers." Dogbert continues, "A winner says, 'That's on my list' and never commits to a deadline." Dilbert asks Dogbert, "Wouldn't people respect me less?" Dogbert replies, "I don't see how."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Asok is sitting at his computer. Carol hands him an award and says, "Asok, you are the winner of a prestigious award for attendance." Asok replies, "My name is misspelled.. As an obscenity." Carol says, "Typo." Asok exclaims, "Typo? You added four letters!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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The Boss reads aloud, "The winner of our 'Name the Restrooms' contest is Alice..." The Boss continues, "...For her suggestion of 'Goddesses' and 'Morons.'" Alice says to Dilbert and Wally, "You're right; I was the only one who would enter that ridiculous contest."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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The Boss points to Asok and says, "Asok is the winner of the $25 'Clean Desk Award.'" Asok responds, "Yesterday the facilities people took my desk because it appeared to be unused." Asok sits on the floor in his cubicle. He thinks, "I hope this doesn't bump me into a higher tax bracket."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dilbert says to The Boss, "A customer keeps asking when we'll deliver the stuff they bought." The Boss asks, "When will we?" Dilbert responds, "Never, you lied to them to get their business." Dilbert continues, "You took their money and gave them nothing. Do you know what that makes you?" The Boss exclaims, "The winner!"