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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 01, 2009's comic on:


Tags #selling, #failure, #winning: models, #product, #options

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Asok says, "Our product comes with 27 moedels with over 9,000 options." Dilbert says, "Given my limited time to study the options, you have guaranteed that I will make a sub-optimal choice." Dilbert says, "Thanks for making me a failure." Asok says, Well it's not really "selling" if we both win."

Winning The Bid

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Winning The Bid - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 24, 2014's comic on:


Tags #bidding, #executives, #lying, #outsourcing, #projects, #winning bid, #good news, #secretly subcontract, #scream, #presentation

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Dilbert: The good news is that we had the winning bid for the project. The less-good news is that we don't make the product we just sold, nor could we make it for the price we bid. My plan is to put out an RFP to secretly subcontract the work to a bigger liar. CEO: That could work.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 2011's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #stock market, #hedge fund, #million dollars, #insider trading, #algorithm, #winning trades, #create algorithm, #eat fiber

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Dogbert: I'll pay you a million dollars a year to work at my hedge fund. I'll do the insider trading and you pretend you created an algorithm that makes winning trades. Dilbert: What if I actually create the algorithm? Dogbert: Sure, and maybe you can eat fiber and make gold, too.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 24, 2013's comic on:


Tags #models, #out of stiock, #credibility, #bait and switch, #tactics, #sales, #technology, #computer, #tablets

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Our model XR35 is the only one that will work in your situation. The other models would be nightmares. Dilbert: Okay, we'll take the XR35. Ted: Opps it appears we are out of stock. Dilbert: This is the part where your credibility comes into question. Ted: Have you looked at ethics's XP9? I think it would be perfect.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 2013's comic on:


Tags #economic policy, #nobel winning, #economist, #fiscal policy, #beard, #daily water waster

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Dogbert: I brought a Nobel-winning economist to tell you why everything you say about fiscal policy is wrong. Economist: For starters, if you knew anything about economics you would have a beard. Dogbert: The first few minutes are mostly trash talk. Economist: Ha! You bathe daily, water-waster!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 26, 2013's comic on:


Tags #anger, #email, #facts, #link to study, #Right, #science, #scientific study, #winning an argument

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Alice: I got your stupid email with your stupid link to that stupid scientific study. I don't care about your so-called "facts." I know I'm right! Dilbert: Winning an argument never feels like winning.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 01, 2013's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #thinking, #ceos technology challenge, #innovative ideas, #fresh water, #elbonia, #award winning ideas, #water in a box

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CEO: I'm proud to announce the winner in the CEO's technology challenge. Two weeks ago, I challenged you to come up with innovative ideas for getting fresh water to Elbonia. The winner is someone named Wally. Wally's idea for bringing fresh water to Elbonia is... "in a box." That's the best one? Boss: We only had one entry. CEO: I hate your bald guts. Wally: I get that a lot. If you need me, I'll be in my cubicle thinking up award-winning ideas.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 11, 2014's comic on:


Tags #clean mold, #refrogerator, #undelings, #winning, #testoterone, #priority

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Dilbert: I read that winning at anything boosts your testosterone. Boss: I need one of you underlings to clean the mold out of the office fridge. That's your top priority today. Wally: What's this "winning" I keep hearing about?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 11, 2015's comic on:


Tags #coaching, #deception, #laziness, #mentor, #mentoring, #strategy, #work ethic, #taper, #key to winning, #new job, #long hours, #good first impression, #taker off, #working smarter

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Wally: Asok, the key to winning at your job is the taper. Asok: Taper? Wally: At the start of any new job, you want to put in long hours and create a good first impression. Then you should start to gradually taper off your effort. But be sure you taper slowly. You don't want to be obvious. Boss: Wally, is it my imagination, or are you working slightly less every day? Wally: It only looks that way because I'm working smarter, not harder. Just the way you taught me. Boss: Okay, that sounds right. Wally: Always keep that round in the chamber. Asok: You scare me, but in a good way.

Winning The Meeting

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Winning The Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 2017's comic on:


Tags #meetings, #game, #cruelty, #insult, #criticism

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Wally: Meetings used to be frustrating and boring until I gamified that situation. Now I try to win meetings by criticizing co-workers offering no ideas of my own, and leaving without any new task. Dilbert: You call that winning? Wally: Compared to my victims, yes.