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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 01, 2002's comic on:


Tags #winning bid contract, #read the minds, #competetors, #bid lower, #blocked by dense mass

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches and says, "Dilbert, I want you to put together the winning bid for this contract." Dilbert responds, "No problem, I'll just read the minds of our competitors and bid lower." Dilbert continues, "I'm picking up something now... But it's partly blocked by a dense mass."

Winning The Bid

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Winning The Bid - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 24, 2014's comic on:


Tags #bidding, #executives, #lying, #outsourcing, #projects, #winning bid, #good news, #secretly subcontract, #scream, #presentation

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Dilbert: The good news is that we had the winning bid for the project. The less-good news is that we don't make the product we just sold, nor could we make it for the price we bid. My plan is to put out an RFP to secretly subcontract the work to a bigger liar. CEO: That could work.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 19, 2003's comic on:


Tags #huge galatians project, #disqualified, #one minute late, #future depends on win bid, #winning bid, #future of company, #can't be late, #line dancing sign

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"After months of work, I finished our bid for the huge galatikus project." "I'll deliver it to them." "If it's on minute late, we'll be disqualified. The future of our company depends on us winning this bid." "He must think I'm a... Whoa, what's this?" "Irish line dancing lessons 10% off."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 2002's comic on:


Tags #billion dollars, #lose bid, #winning less work, #cost estimates

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Dilbert approaches a coworker and says, "I need your cost estimates for my bid proposal." The coworker says, "A billion dollars." Dilbert responds, "That sounds high for administrative overhead." The coworker replies, "If you already know the cost, why ask me?" Dilbert says angrily, "You'll make us lose the bid." The coworker replies, "I like to think of it as winning less work."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 1995's comic on:


Tags #wall art, #low bid, #assistant scourcing, #earth, #low cost art

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Dilbert watches Dogbert and Bob the Dinosaur hanging paintings on the office wall. He asks Dogbert, "How did you get the contract to supply our company with wall art?" Dogbert answers, "Low bid." Dogbert says, "As we speak, my assistant is scouring the earth in search of low-cost art." Ratbert stands outside the "School-O-Art" with a bag of money. As an art student wearing a beret and painter's smock is thrown out of the school with his painting, Ratbert says, "I'll take it!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 20, 2003's comic on:


Tags #scolded by employee, #boss late, #dumb move, #irish line dancing, #mail document, #late bid

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Dilbert: "And you failed at your primary objective of winning a bid for the galatikus job." "That's because you said you'd deliver the bid on time, but you got seduced by Irish line-dancing lessons and forgot to mail it!" The Boss: "I can't believe you're trying to pin the blame on the Irish."

Marriage Is A Financial Contract

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Marriage Is A Financial Contract - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 06, 2015's comic on:


Tags #contract, #contracts, #dating, #marriage, #money, #romance, #serious realtionship, #marraige, #financial contract, #vendor, #spouce

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Woman: I want to be in a serious relationship that can lead to marriage. Dilbert: Marriage is a financial contract. How much money do you have? Woman: All I have is me. Dilbert: So... more vendor than spouse?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 25, 2011's comic on:


Tags #context, #contracts, #harvest organs, #holes in contract, #software contract, #signed contract, #holes in torso

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Company Lawyer Dilbert says, "I signed a software contract without getting your input because I was in a hurry." Dilbert says, "Now the software company claims they can harvest my organs." Dilbert says, "Do you see any holes in their contract?" Lawyer says, "They mention holes... in the context of your torso."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 18, 2011's comic on:


Tags #big business, #business ethics, #class, #more efficient, #government contract, #stuffed deer

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Dilbert: This class will make me more efficient. Boss: I don't want you to be more efficient. You're working on a government contract and billing by the hour. Now go bill them for the time you stood here and stared at me like a stuffed deer.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 2011's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #stock market, #hedge fund, #million dollars, #insider trading, #algorithm, #winning trades, #create algorithm, #eat fiber

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Dogbert: I'll pay you a million dollars a year to work at my hedge fund. I'll do the insider trading and you pretend you created an algorithm that makes winning trades. Dilbert: What if I actually create the algorithm? Dogbert: Sure, and maybe you can eat fiber and make gold, too.