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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 10, 1996's comic on:


Tags #dogcart the consultant, #meet boss, #dogcart talks, #crud, #crudibility, #pointy haired wonder

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Dogbert stands on a desk wearing a sorcerer's hat. He tells the Boss, "Let me do the talking when we meet with your boss." Dogbert says to a woman behind a desk, "As you know, any idea from the pointy-haired wonder is crud, but when you add my ability, what do you have?" The woman asks, "Crudability?" Dogbert says, "And good looks too!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 2002's comic on:


Tags #unwritten rule, #talked to boss's boss, #rule against, #interesting, #wonder why, #transmitting, #rules of esp, #outgoing signals, #silent, #not supposed to, #unwritten, #boss, #alice

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Alice asks, "I did what?" The Boss responds, "You talked to my boss without my permission." Alice says, "I don't remember reading a rule against that." The Boss replies, "That's because it's an unwritten rule." Alice says, "Unwritten you say? Hmm.. isn't that interesting? I wonder why it's unwritten." Alice continues, "I would think you'd be proud to write down an excellent rule such as that." Alice continues, "But if you prefer to keep transmitting rules by ESP, your skull seems to be blocking the out-going signals." Alice continues, "If you're sending a new rule now, turn your head so it can come out your ear hole."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 15, 2011's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #suspicion, #no clue, #software works, #wear noisier shoes, #talk behind back

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Dilbert: Wow, the guy who wrote this doesn't have a clue how software works. Man: When you talk about people behind their backs, it makes me wonder what you say about me. Alice: I think we just solved that mystery. Dilbert: You should wear noisier shoes.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 31, 2011's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #conversation, #get mad, #point out dumb, #helpful, #doctor, #Dogbert

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Dilbert: I wonder why people get mad when I point out how dumb they are. I'm just trying to be helpful. I don't want people going through life not knowing what the problem is. I'm kind of like a doctor. Dogbert: I stopped listening back at the house.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 03, 2011's comic on:


Tags #commerce, #optimism, #patents, #patent infringement, #google, #apple, #microsoft, #oracle, #nasa, #astroid, #life span of optimist

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Lawyer: Our newest product infringes patents from Google, Apple, Microsoft, and Oracle. They've joined forces and hired NASA to nudge an asteroid toward our headquarters. Boss: I think we can win this. Lawyer: I wonder what the average life span of an optimist is.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 17, 2012's comic on:


Tags #actions & defenses, #billion dollars, #business ethics, #golden key, #rich people, #top 1%, #flying unicorn

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Boss: Here's a billion dollars to settle your claim of discrimination against short, bald, nearsighted guys. Wally: I'm in the top 1% now. I wonder where we hold our secret meetings. Boss: Ask the tiny flying unicorn with the golden key.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 2012's comic on:


Tags #dating, #rich people, #top 1%, #Women, #sisters, #hot, #attraction, #co worker

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Wally: Now that I'm a top one-percenter, I wonder what kind of women I'll attract. Do you have any sisters back home? I'm asking because you'd be totally hot if you were a woman. So I'm thinking hoo-ah! Asok: I cannot count the number of ways this is wrong.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 29, 2012's comic on:


Tags #mobile (cell) phones, #telephones, #vendor, #hardware, #field, #pony, #ask alice, #winners, #bad connection

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Boss: Dilbert, listen carefully. I need you to... vendor... hardware... immediately. Dilbert: What? We have a bad connection. Boss: Field... the... grep... pony... budget. Dilbert: What? What? Boss: I have another call. Just ask Alice. Alice: How would I know what he wants? Leave me alone. Dilbert: I wonder how winners feel. Wally: I don't know. They never let me touch them.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 13, 2012's comic on:


Tags #astronomy, #billions of planets, #scientists, #version of dilbert, #earth like, #many universes

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Computer: Scientists say there might be billions of planets like Earth. And we might be one of many universes. Dilbert: I wonder if there's a version of me out there who loves his job. Woman: What has three thumbs and wants a should massage? Dilbert: This guy! Meanwhile, on XPKQ-75

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 16, 2012's comic on:


Tags #stock market, #good investment, #bitter, #last raise

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Boss: The stock market is up today. I wonder if this is a good time to get in. Dilbert: If you wait until it goes up even further, then you'll know it's a good investment. Wally: Are you still bitter about your last raise? Dilbert: Not as much as I was a minute ago.