Search Results for "words"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 2012's comic on:


Tags #confusing, #multiple pages, #public speaking, #real words, #small text, #unpersuasive, #computer, #desk, #no one can read

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Do you want me to put the chart on one page, which would make the text too small for you to see? Or do you prefer a multiple-page approach that is confusing and unpersuasive? Boss: It's probably better if no one can read it. Dilbert: I won't bother using real words.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 2004's comic on:


Tags #paranoid, #emplooyees, #trying to kill, #pauses between words, #no payment, #ruled out paranoia, #session, #therapist session, #crazy, #couch, #offensive, #cheap, #reluctance to heal

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I think my employees are trying t kill me. Am I paranoid? The boss: put your answer in an metal. O spot want to be paying for the pauses between you words. Therapist: Ive ruled out paranoia. The Boss: phew thats a relief.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 02, 2004's comic on:


Tags #ergophobia, #fear of work, #abnoraml, #discover new words, #about self

View Transcript

Transcript

"I got a bad case of ergophobia. It's an abnormal and persistent fear of work." "Isn't everything about you a little abnormal and persistent?" "Yeah, but Im still delighted when I discover new words for me."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 20, 2004's comic on:


Tags #online ereume, #older chubby men, #key words, #married men, #job offers, #cousin, #Advice, #one line job hunting

View Transcript

Transcript

"I wasn't getting any responses to my online resume until I inserted some key words." "I said I'm strangely attracted to older, chubby, married men with coffee-stained teeth." "That is wrong on so many levels." "Explain that to my six thousand job offers."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 2007's comic on:


Tags #made up words, #good laugh, #words, #incentement, #robustify, #flexitate, #leadershipping, #underboard, #moralify

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Tina, I need you to edit this before I send it out. Sure. I could use a good laugh. Let's start with the words that aren't words." Incentiment...robustify...flexitate...and leadershipping." "I'll take those out and see what's left." "'If you're not onboard with quality excellence, you're underboard.'" "WA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!" "Why do I even bother trying to moralify these people."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 2011's comic on:


Tags #computers & peripherals, #language, #no longer undertsnd, #employees, #to of touch, #technology, #gravitons, #warp drive, #rebalanced, #subspace responders

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I no longer understand anything my employees say. I must be so out of touch with technology that I don't even recognize the words. Wally: I flushed the gravitons out of the warp drive and rebalanced the subspace responders.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 18, 1989's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dogbert asks, "You know what kind of music I hate?" Dogbert continues, "When they wear those outrageous outfits, scream like tortured weasels and nobody understands the words." Dilbert asks, "Heavy metal rock?" Dogbert replies, "Opera."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 07, 1989's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert arrives home carrying a briefcase and says to Dogbert, "I got transferred to the Glickman Nuclear Power Project." Dogbert asks, "Aren't you worried about radiation?" Dilbert replies, "My boss says the last safety inspection was quite favorable." Dogbert asks, "What were his EXACT words?" Dilbert answers, ". . . The inspectors gave a glowing report." Dogbert says, "Maybe you'll mutate into something smarter."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 21, 1989's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk working on his computer and Dogbert sits next to him. Dilbert says, "My computer has determined the funniest words in the world . . ." Dilbert continues, "They include: chainsaw, weasel, prune and any reference to 'Gilligan's Island.' Now I can make my own jokes!" Dilbert says to Dogbert, ". . . So then the skipper gets attacked by this prune-eating weasel with a chainsaw . . ." Dogbert laughs.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 07, 1990's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

The thief comes to the door and Dogbert says, "Greetings." The crook says, "Hey! Ain't you the worthless watchdog from dat Dilbert guy's house I robbed?" Dogbert points to Bob and Dawn the Dinosaurs and says, "I'd like you to meet Dawn and Bob who will say a few words about honesty." Dawn is holding a bat. Bob and Dawn hold the thief upside down by his ankles. Bob says, ". . . And honesty means never having to say 'please don't flush me down the toilet.'"