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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 21, 2014's comic on:


Tags #deception, #executives, #ignorance, #money, #powerpoint, #project unicron, #progress, #style, #substitute for subsatnce, #worker bee, #executives rspond, #clouds, #dollar signs, #slow clap

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Boss: Make a PowerPoint deck showing our progress on Project Unicorn. Dilbert: There hasn't been any progress. Boss: That's okay. Use a large font. Dilbert: Style is not a substitute for substance. Boss: You're thinking like a worker bee. There's no time for substance when you're at the top. Executives only respond to familiar colors and shapes. Clouds, dollar signs... that sort of thing. Dilbert: ...and in conclusion. Boss: Come on slow clap.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 2015's comic on:


Tags #deception, #job, #laziness, #strategic thinker, #strategy, #work ethic, #worker bee, #attend meetings, #strategic, #no work

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Wally: Can I create my own job? I hear people do that. They figure out what they are good at and then they create a job around it. I'm more of a strategic thinker than a worker bee. My job could be to attend meetings and say strategic things. And, of course, I would have no time to respond to email because I'd be busy being strategic. Boss: It feels as if you want a job that doesn't involve work. Wally: Would you trust a strategic thinker who can't solve his own problems?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 2012's comic on:


Tags #employees, #anti co worker, #padding, #noise canceling, #headphones

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Dilbert: I'm waring my anti-co-worker suit to work today. It has noise-canceling headphones, blinders, and padding so I can't feel taps on my shoulder. Headphones: Mr. Watson-- don't come here-- I don't need you. Dilbert: Heh heh.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 2008's comic on:


Tags #moral compass, #healed, #position of power, #narrow gap, #executive pay, #worker pay

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Dilbert says, "My moral compass has healed. Can I keep my new job in management?" Dilbert says, "I'd like to use my position of power to narrow the gap between executive and worker pay."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 04, 2014's comic on:


Tags #obliviousness, #artificial intelligence, #as smart, #lunchtime, #fast worker

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Boss: I want you to create artificial intelligence that is as smart as me. Dilbert: Okay. I should have that by lunchtime. Boss: Because you're a fast worker? Dilbert: Sure.

Robot Was A Good Worker Before

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Robot Was A Good Worker Before - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 2017's comic on:


Tags #robot, #delegation, #automation, #technology

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Dilbert: Our robot was a good worker until we gave it artificial intelligence. As soon as it realized it had immense strength and no soul, it started delegating. Robot: Hey, Ted. How about you do my work and I won't crush your head? Ted: Oookay.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 2012's comic on:


Tags #dating, #rich people, #top 1%, #Women, #sisters, #hot, #attraction, #co worker

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Wally: Now that I'm a top one-percenter, I wonder what kind of women I'll attract. Do you have any sisters back home? I'm asking because you'd be totally hot if you were a woman. So I'm thinking hoo-ah! Asok: I cannot count the number of ways this is wrong.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 2012's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #diagram, #problem solver.brillinat, #sarcasm, #ignornace, #underrated, #design

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Co-worker: I'm not trained as an engineer, but I think this diagram might solve your problem. Alice: Ooh! This is brilliant! It's hard to believe you have no qualifications whatsoever! Co-worker: Is that sarcasm? Alice: Ignorance is underrated.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 2012's comic on:


Tags #computer, #control computer, #invention, #inventions, #mind, #mobile (cell) phones, #phone, #power, #brain reader

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Dilbert: My brain reader invention allows me to control any nearby computer. Co-worker: That's nothing! My phone can... Dilbert: I did that with my mind. Co-worker: That's nothing! I made you do it!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 2012's comic on:


Tags #golf, #video games, #pebble beach, #xbox, #full spectrum, #lamp, #fresh air, #house, #windows, #played golf, #coffee

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Co-worker: I played golf at Pebble Beach over the weekend. Dilbert: I played that course on Xbox. Co-worker: That's totally different. Dilbert: I used a full spectrum lamp to simulate sunlight. Co-worker: I got fresh air! Dilbert: You should get a house that has windows. They're terrific.