Search Results for "workplace"
Share March 10, 1995's comic on:
The Boss sits at his desk and Dilbert sits across from him. The Boss tells Dilbert, "Your performance this year was good, but you worked on tasks that aren't important. Therefore you get a tiny raise." Dilbert looks angry as he replies, "I worked on the tasks YOU assigned. What's that say about YOUR performance?" The Boss replies, "It's excellent. I get a bonus for keeping salaries low." Dilbert asks, "Have you seen any literature on workplace violence?"
Share May 21, 1996's comic on:
The Boss, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Our new policy forbids the use of weapons or any violence in the workplace." Dilbert raises his hand and asks, "Ummm . . . What was the policy before this?" The Boss responds, "I'm not sure . . . Maybe if you had a permit and it was in season." Wally says, "There goes another company benefit."
Share April 19, 1998's comic on:
Caption: "Catbert: Evil H.R. Director" Catbert remarks to Alice, "You look stressed out, Alice." Catbert says, "I could fix that by becoming a champion for improvements in the workplace." Catbert says, "Or I could give you a little booklet called 'Stress No More'." Catbert says, "Hmm.. I wonder which way is best." Alice reaches for booklet. Alice reads, "'Stress is your body's way of saying.." Alice continues, "'..You haven't worked enough unpaid overtime.'" Alice starts to get mad. Catbert says, "I've never seen a woman's forehead ignite her hair before."
Share October 22, 2003's comic on:
"Who's today's guest cartoonist?" Dilbert: "I'm so happy in my new spacious office with an ocean view." "Finally I have the workplace I've always dreamed of." Wally: "The personalized environment headset works, sir." The boss: "Brad Pitt! Shouldn't you put a shirt on?" ANSER: GO TO DILBERT.COM
Share May 15, 2004's comic on:
Wally: "Workplace injuries are up ten thousand percent since I distributed the new safety manuals." "The binders have sharp edges and, apparently, a curse. I asked Asok to help put it on our website." Asok: "Hands... So numb. Eyes... Strained. Blood pressure rising..."
Share July 01, 2004's comic on:
Alice: hows your stalking of the new hire going? Wally: we have a date for tomorrow. Alice: She's in an employee orientation meeting today. wally: Uh - oh. Module four is about identifying workplace hazards.
Share February 04, 2005's comic on:
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "I might change my department's name." "To "Workplace Services." BU-WHA-HA-HA-HA!!" "When things don't sound evil enough on their own, I like to toss in a bu-wha-ha-ha-ha."
Share October 27, 2005's comic on:
"Management is pleased to announce that it has a plan to make your pension fun solvent." "In unrelated news, the guidelines for workplace safety have been relaxed." "Our CEO reminds you that smoking is cool."
Share November 02, 2012's comic on:
Boss: We're thinking of moving from a cubicle workplace to an open floor plan. Dilbert: Is that because you did some research that discovered that the open floor plan is the only thing worse than what we have now? Boss: They figured out the pattern. Catbert: I told you we should randomize our evil!
Share March 24, 2013's comic on:
Tags #happiness, #work ethic, #workplace happiness, #direct deposit, #mental distance, #effort, #paycheck, #no clear goal, #doing good work, #job satisafaction, #stress related problems, #highly demotivated
Asok: Wally, what is the key to workplace happiness? Wally: Well, Asok, it all starts with direct deposit. You want to keep some mental distance between your effort and your paycheck. Next, you want to work on projects that have no clear goals or deadlines. Coworker: Hey, Wally, can you... Wally: No, I'm too busy doing various things. Asok: What about the satisfaction of doing good work? Wally: Job satisfaction is what people feel right before they die from stress-related problems. Asok: I feel highly demotivated right now. Wally: You are very welcome.