Search Results for "works achievement"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2012's comic on:


Tags #gods, #inventions, #physics, #build an ark, #higgs boson, #trouble, #computer, #works achievement

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Gasp! I've found the Higgs boson! Higgs Boson: Build an ark! Dilbert: Nothing but trouble.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 15, 2011's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #suspicion, #no clue, #software works, #wear noisier shoes, #talk behind back

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Wow, the guy who wrote this doesn't have a clue how software works. Man: When you talk about people behind their backs, it makes me wonder what you say about me. Alice: I think we just solved that mystery. Dilbert: You should wear noisier shoes.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 28, 2011's comic on:


Tags #computers & peripherals, #office equipment, #questioning, #wise garbageman, #powerpoint slides, #only delicious, #small does, #analogy, #works for flies

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Wise garbage man, tell me why Powerpoint slides are so boring. Garbageman: Powerpoint is a lot like garbage. It's only delicious in small doses. Too much can kill you. Dilbert: That analogy only works for flies. Garbageman: Oooh. Look who thinks she's better than flies.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 28, 2012's comic on:


Tags #fee, #how the future works, #portfolio, #retirement planning, #understanding future

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert's retirement planning service Dogbert: My fee is 10% of your portfolio per year. Employee: Sounds reasonable. Dogbert: None of my clients understand how the future works.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 1994's comic on:


Tags #converstaion, #Dilbert, #faking through, #velcro works, #block oxygen, #brain

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: "He's explaining something that I already understand. I've got to stop him." Dilbert: "Blah blah blah." Ted: "I'll try vigorous nodding and agreeing, plus closed body language." Dilbert: "Blah blah blah." "Right right right." Dilbert: "And have I ever told you how 'velcro' works?" TED: "Maybe if I block the oxygen to my brain..."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 22, 1994's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #filberts job security, #menacing statements, #one option, #reducing headcount, #works hard, #finish project

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The only way to finish the project on time is by adding four engineers. Wally: theres one other option. you could make menacing statements about filberts job security until he works five times as hard. Just kidding. hee hee! The Boss: Ive been thinking about reducing headcount.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 28, 1995's comic on:


Tags #singular achievement award, #we are teams, #check, #campiagn, #one thousand dollars

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss hands a check to Ted while Wally, Dilbert and Alice watch. The Boss says, "And Ted gets this 'Singular Achievement' award for creating the 'We Are Teams' campaign." The Boss continues, "It's a check for a thousand dollars! Let's all give Ted a hand." Ted walks by holding the check and Wally, Alice and Dilbert look angry. As Wally, Alice and Dilbert hit and slap Ted the Boss thinks, "These things never work the way you want them to."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 16, 1996's comic on:


Tags #expect, #new employment agreement, #first born, #dna, #derivative works

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, Wally and Alice read copies of a document. Dilbert says, "I can't believe they expect us to sign these new employment agreement forms." Wally says, "According to this, anything we even THINK of becomes the Company's property. I'm surprised they don't claim our first born sons!" Wally continues, "What do you suppose it means when they copyright our 'DNA and all derivative works?'" Alice says, "They'd make an exception for you."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 06, 1996's comic on:


Tags #special achievement award, #does something good, #don't think so, #giving themselves awards, #other departments, #lower standards, #standing in hallway, #tried door knob

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "Nobody has nominated a co-worker for a special achievement award." The Boss continues, "Someone in this group must have done SOMETHING good this year." Wally says, "No . . . I don't think so." Dilbert says, "We'd remember something like that." The Boss says, "This looks bad. All the other departments are giving themselves awards." The Boss says, "We might have to lower our standards a bit." Alice says, "I've been proactive in that area." The Boss asks, "Why are we standing in the hallway?" Wally replies, "We think the room is locked." Dilbert says, "We don't have the key." The caption says, "Later that month." The Boss hands Alice an award and says, "This award goes to Alice for boldly trying the door knob." Alice says, "When I find out who nominated me . . ."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 06, 2000's comic on:


Tags #report to mordac, #obligated to hate, #works

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Ming, "Ming, I'm moving your web mistress function to I.S. You'll report to Mordac." Ming screams out, "NO-O-O-O-O" The Boss looks astonished. Ming later says to Mordac, "We can still date but I feel obliged to hate your guts now." Mordac replies, "It works for me."