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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 2009's comic on:


Tags #fear, #honesty, #panic, #reality, #worried, #first recession, #hopes and dreams dashed, #yank band aid

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Asok says, "This is my first recession. How worried should I be?" Wally says, "You'll be fine as long as you don't have any hopes and dreams." Asok says, "But I still have them." Wally says, "It's time to yank off that band-aid."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 16, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #yank, #loose threads, #cut, #better, #Lose, #head

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Dilbert looks at his shirt sleeve and thinks, "Loose thread." Dilbert grabs the thread and thinks, "I can't remember if it's better to cut these or just yank on them." Dilbert yanks the thread and his head collapses into his shirt.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 12, 1994's comic on:


Tags #baby dogbert, #ceramic figurine, #first aid, #vomiting, #focus group, #disater, #inmate cuteness, #profit

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Dogbert: I found a way to profit from my innate cuteness. Introducing the limited edition "Baby Dogbert" ceramic figurine! Dilbert: I see - its a first aid device to induce vomiting. Dogbert: The focus group was a disaster.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 13, 1994's comic on:


Tags #cat, #not optimist, #phrased better, #rakberts head, #stomp on it, #yank off, #bob the dinosaur, #rat, #dog, #animals

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"Bob, I'll yank the cat off of Ratbert's head and you stomp on it!" "Yank" "Stomp" "I could have phrased that better." "I'm not an optimist anymore."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 1997's comic on:


Tags #installing line, #phone line, #connected, #network, #yank wire, #central offcie

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Installing an ISDN line Telephone repairman is sitting next to the phone jack. Repairman says, "First we need to make sure your phone line is connected to our network." Repairmen hands Dilbert a cordless phone. Repairmen says, "I'll yank the wire while you listen for a "whump" sound at the central office." Central office full of pipes. Wires spill out of one of the pipes. Man holding one of the wires is listening to the phone which is off the hook. Over the phone Dilbert is heard. Dilbert says, "I heard something."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 2000's comic on:


Tags #one page report, #two page executive summary, #spend the day, #snapping underwear, #elastic band

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The Boss asks Dilbert: "Can you turn your one-page report into a two-page executive summary?" Dilbert answers: "I was planning to spend the day snapping myself with the elastic band on my underwear." He continues: "But your idea is good, too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 01, 2000's comic on:


Tags #know first aid, #marketing, #picked intern, #engineering dead pool, #team building pot luck, #lunch, #business

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Asok the Intern is lying on the floor with his legs sticking straight up in the air. Dilbert says to Wally, Alice and The Boss, "I'll see if the guys in marketing know First Aid." Ted says to Dilbert, "Really? I picked that intern in our engineering dead pool!" Dilbert says to Wally and Alice as Asok continues lying on the floor, "Apparently our team-building potluck lunch didn't take."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 2005's comic on:


Tags #raises, #salary band, #205 higher, #raises capped, #supervisor

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The Boss: "I'd like to promote you, but the lowest salary band for the next level is 20% higher than your current pay." "Raises are capped at 5%, so there's no way to give you the promotion." "So I plan to hire someone from the outside that you can train to be your supervisor."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 01, 2007's comic on:


Tags #beef, #cake, #diet, #drink kool aid, #eat it too, #just derts, #meat and potatoes, #pie hole, #vendores, #play on words, #food metphors, #health

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The boss: Our meat and potatoes is knowing how to sandwich in our product without causing the other vendors to beef. "We'll get our just desserts when they drink the Kool-Aid. Then we can have our cake and eat it too." Alice: "Are you on a diet?" " The boss: Shut your pie hole."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #powerpoint, #waste time, #slow motion, #read, #project emu, #tie, #pull, #yank, #strangle, #business

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Man says, "I could've e-mailed you my powerpoint deck, and you could have read it in five minutes." Man says, "But I prefer making you sit here for an hour while I read each bullet point in slow motion." Man says, "P-o-i-n-t n-u-m-b-e-r o-n-e?" Wally says, "Yank this as hard as you can."