"Stop right there!"
"It's Phil, the Prince of Insufficient Light."
"What's in your hands?"
"I'm just borrowing some paper for the laser printer. There's no law against that!"
"I think we both know that the copier paper and the printer paper are purchased and tracked separately."
"You've made a mockery of the system! I darn you to heck!"
"Your punishment is to sit at the secretary's cubicle and endure the stale wit of your co-workers."
"Hey, Wendy, there's something different about you today!"