"I have the results of the employee morale survey."
"The number one issue is 'not enough open and honest communication from management.'"
"Well, okay. I'm willing to give that a try."
"Management is looting the company while hiding the fact that we're in a death spiral."
"Whenever you talk, I think about fishing lures until the noise stops."
"When I see an employee suffer, it excites me in ways I don't understand."
"On nine separate occasions I've fired bald guys because I thought they were you."
"If this doesn't work for you. Let me know on next employee morale survey."